anewmoon
anewmoon
Joined:
May 10, 2009
Posts: 66
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 Posted: Post subject: Learning the hard way |
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|I cannot deny I am angry. I accept Life, the hope and the insanity.
|But maybe someone can help me...
I was 27 before I found the truth about my cultural identity.
I always knew I was a secret, a secret even if I did not know. And because of the mess'd up ways of this egotistical northamerican society I was denied my hertitage.
Maybe I was bound to feel this way despite my age, but rrraghhh, by the time I find out, I had assimilated, I start'd protecting their truth.
Growing up with that feeling that Love was real but hiding something.... ...
rrrraaaghhh...
I can't recall my real story any more beacuse my ego start'd defend'd me at a young age with "helpful substances" and now I comprehend that the ego is madness, it is suffering that causes suffering.
Though my Spirit is patient and compassionate, by the time my name found out my cultural indentity, the mystery that became my misery, had fallen my name from grace... and my world, brothers and sisters, when after a life of people telling you that,
" you must be native", and fighting to disagree because of the stereotypes,
me from this small town never even knowing any first persons in my life, I really defend'd my true european canadian ancestory with great emotion.
I am physically right imbetween...
Yet, I, my dreams and |I, my heart, knew my true blood line was what those agog individuals saw.
I know the blood is mystery, but myne is evident, especially after I met my bio father. A first persons from the Mohawk |Six |Nations. |The first "ijndian", the first person, with my eyes.
Lo, the Creator is kind, my bio-mother is my Canadian- European Aunt, my only maternal Aunt, and I am grateful for that. It was her older sister, my Ma that nutured my ways...troubled as they were.
I guess I am writing to seek how one can fill this emptiness, such innocent deceit, a denial of the truth that allowed me to hate so much that it has almost completely ruin'd me in many ways.
It am humbled and open heart'd, I know how to accept, but how does one seek forgiveness after damming their life and emotionally hurting others.
|The truth hurts...
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jodyne
jodyne
Joined:
February 22, 2010
Posts: 8
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`Thank you for sharing your experience, your story.
There are many such stories/experiences here in America, some very similar just different details. Mine was one of them, my mother's was another.
For me, I was proud to be "An American", in the classic Western culture and thought. I sometimes thought myself 'above' others [Natives] who hadn't figured out how to survive in this new country which the Anglo/Europeans brought when they came to North America.
I can identify with what you said, "I guess I am writing to seek how one can fill this emptiness, such innocent deceit, a denial of the truth that allowed me to hate so much that it has almost completely ruin'd me in many ways."
My mother also told me when I was a teenager, "Never marry a Native, never marry a Black and never marry a Mexican". So I married a white guy; but I lived with abuse for 20 years before I realized I didn't want this lifestyle anymore. I am not blaming my marriage to the white guy for my problems, I just realize that I should not let others define who I am, what I want to do/who I want to marry.
Keep going the way you are in seeking and defining your self and your life. Connect with those you admire, keep learning and share what you learn. Because of your experiences, you can identify with others who have similar experiences; and you can bless them by giving them your support (accepting, listening & BEing there for them). Just be a friend; not necessarily an adviser (unless they ask) (which [being an adviser] is common with Anglo/Americans who 'know it all', have all the answers, are 'superior over all other races & people groups).
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