Novel Excerpt: Chaotic Reflections

[thundercolt (deleted)]

Chaotic Reflections is an American Indian fiction account of the end of the world. Published ten days before 09.11.2001-- this short dark novel touches on the worst aspects of modern day society. The native american narrator is a mysterious omniscient poet who speaks directly to the reader like the MUSES in an ancient tragedy.

Chapter Five of Chaotic Reflections


“Then I saw another beast, coming out of the
earth. He had two horns like a lamb, but he spoke
like a dragon.
“He exercised all the authority of the first beast on
his behalf, and made the earth and its inhabitants
worship the first beast, whose fatal wound had
been healed.
“And he performed great and miraculous signs,
even causing fire to come down from heaven to
earth in full view of men.

Revelation 13:11, 13


FRIDAY: LAW AND ORDER


Grief has many faces, none of them subtleâ€â€Âgrief shatters a heart and basks in the pain. Any man who has lost a son can
taste the reality of grief on his lips. It is a bitter, unmistakable flavor that could remind one of sweetness with the passage of
time, but in that moment of agony the pain tastes as if it will never end. Intense and agonizing pain wracks the mind and
breaks the spirit; it becomes all that you are. And as Sergeant Washington tossed and turned in his sleep, he understood
that some pain could not be escaped.

Jimmys death had washed over him with a wave of pride and sadness. He loved Jimmy so much and he had only
wanted the boy to become a man. But now he was haunted by his own words. His restless sleep became a dream of recollection
and he remembered when he spoke to Jimmy about strength and control. Entering the dream world he wondered
if, in that final moment, control could have saved Jimmys life.

On Jimmys twelfth birthday, July 20th, Washington had come home from observing some new cadets running their maneuvers.

He walked into the house and noticed how quiet it was. Normally, Jimmy was running through the house with
one or two of his friends. Washington liked to think it was because Jimmy was a leader like his father, but today of all
days the house was silent.

Washington walked into the kitchen, and decided to change out of his uniform before giving Jimmy his birthday
present. Before he could make it to the stairs, however, he found Jimmy doubled over in pain lying on the kitchen floor.
Washington briskly walked across the linoleum floor and knelt down next to his son. He searched for any sign of
blood or injury but saw none, Jimmy was clenching his left side tightly and was curled into a ball.

“Jimmy? Whats wrong? he asked gently touching
Jimmys shoulder. Jimmy opened his eyes and seemed to search the room for where the voice had come from. He
finally found his fathers face and Washington stared down at him and saw the tears forming.

“Dad, I¦ Jimmys words were barely a whisper and he was struggling to breathe.

“All right, you just lie still now. Where does it hurt?

“My side-it hurts. Like fire, Jimmy gasped.

“Okay, I will call an ambulance. You lie still, Washington walked across the room and picked up the telephone. He
dialed the local hospital and the nurse who answered the phone told him it sounded like appendicitis and that the
ambulance would arrive in ten minutes. She carefully instructed him to keep Jimmy conscious by talking to him.

Washington looked at his son lying on the floor as he unbuttoned his uniform jacket and placed it on the kitchen counter.

He walked over to Jimmy and knelt down to gather him in his arms. He lifted Jimmy up as gently as possible
knowing that any motion would cause his son great amounts of pain. He knew a ruptured appendix could be fatal but as
Jimmy gasped aloud in pain, Washington could only picture his son, his flesh and blood, dying on the ground. No, not
Jimmy, and not like that. Washington would not let him die on the ground without honor.

Washington placed him on the couch as Jimmys eyelashes fluttered and twitched before he opened his eyes. Staring at
his father he blinked slowly, Washington pushed the boys hair away from his face. Jimmys skin felt hot and sweaty
from the labor of breathing.

“Dad, am I going to be okay?

“Well, soldier, that depends. How tough are you, he asked his voice breaking from holding back the tears.

“Im trying Dad, I wannaâ€â€ÂI wanna be tough, like you.

Washington smiled before speaking, “Jimmy, youre not anything like me.

“But Im trying, Jimmy argued weakly.

“Thats good, Jimmy. Youll be fine.

“Dad, how do you do it? Im scared and youre never scared.

“Sure I am Jimmy, but youve got to learn to control pain and fear.

“How?

Washington searched for the words that explained the knowledge he had wanted to express to Jimmy for years.
Many times in battle Washington had been made a slave to his own fear; knowing you could die on a battlefield is the
most terrifying experience a man could have.

While he was in boot camp he had a drill sergeant who told him that sometimes you have to turn off everything and
become a machine. Because machines do not die, they simply stop working. And Washington found comfort in that and he
had lived his life knowing when to disconnect himself from his emotions to get the job done. As he looked down at his
son, he wanted Jimmy to know that there were things worse than pain, things even worse than death.

“You cant be selfish, Jim. You have to realize that our emotions and our desires are so small and insignificant when
compared to the rest of the world.

“Really? Jimmys voice grew weaker.

In his heart Washington knew that he did not fear death or even losing his son instead, he was terrified that one day he
would not be able to control himself. He would never allow fear to control his life.

“Jimmy, I love you, but if you were to die today, tomorrow we would bury you and life would go on.

“But, Dad, I dont want to¦

As the tears began to flow freely down Jimmys face Washington suddenly realized how different they were from
one another. Jimmy, his only son, would never be satisfied in taking orders without explanation and he would never learn
to disconnect himself from pain to survive. It was in that moment that Washingtons words reflected the darkness
lurking in his heart. After all, he only had one son and he wanted that boy to become a general and now he knew that Jimmy could not make a career out of the military. Perhaps, it was in that very instant that Washingtons heart broke.

“Jimmy, what we want doesnt matter. It never has and it never will. He could see the confusion in Jimmys eyes and
he looked at the boy long and hard, searching for a way to make him understand.

“Jimmy, do you want me to die?

“No, noâ€â€Âof course not, Jimmy stammered.

“But one day I will. You see what we want doesnt change what happens. You remember that, Jim. You remember that,
because that is the only way to live with the decisions you make in your life.

The impatient ringing of a distant telephone forced Washington to wake, sit up, open his eyes, and fumble in the
dark for the light. He groggily found the receiver and picked it up.

“Hello?

“Sarge, is that you?

Washington sighed aloud verbally expressing his irritation.


What is it with that name? He asked himself angrily.

“You know Im not a sergeantâ€â€ÂI surpassed that rank a long time ago¦

“How would you like to surpass general? the voice taunted him.

“Bill, its two in the morning.

“Weve got a situation.

Damn. Washington thought to himself, but he had known this moment was unavoidable, and that premonition only
added to the enormous lump forming in his throat.

“Situation, he asked in disbelief.

“The letter, Washington, this is about the letter.

“I told you. I took care of that! There will not be any more letters¦as God is my witness.

“I know, Washington, but it seems the letter has caused some riots to erupt in various inner cities.

“What do you want from me? Washington knew he had served his country well and he had always followed orders.
Most importantly he always did what was necessary and best for the nationâ€â€Âorders spoken or unspoken.

“Sergeant, most of our men who are the capable leadership in quelling domestic backlash are overseas defending
their country.

“Bill, I am retired, Washington pleaded. I cant go back. He was finished being a marine and he had officially ended
his service just a few days ago.

“I know that, Washington, but even a retired man, if he is truly a marine, will not allow a domestic squabble to
threaten the integrity of this nation.

“What about the Guard? Washington asked, desperately wanting someone else to pull the trigger this time.

Bill was relentless, “The Guard as of twenty-three hundred hours has been declared unsuccessful in its attempts to
restore order.

“Come on, Bill! It is the United States National Guard, they were created to maintain domestic order; especially in the
inner city. How is it possible that they were unsuccessful?

“Can you report to headquarters at 0600 hours?

“I will be there before daybreak, Washington sighed.

“And Sergeant, pray retirement hasnt made you soft.

Soft? Washington asked himself. For the entire length of his military career Washington had felt secure in the knowledge
that he could never be soft. Marines were not soft, they were not fickle, or without conviction. Marines are killers
and so they must stand like age-old stoneâ€â€Âabsorbing bullets, blows, and even the scorn of those who despised the military.

In fact, for twenty-five years, Washington had been that stone, unbendable and unwavering. From his first days in
boot camp through all his years in the service, he was rock solid always doing whatever he was told to do because of his
love for his country, and for years he never questioned that.

Ten years ago when he spoke to Jimmy about controlling his fears, he was trying to make the boy understand all the
horrible things he had seen in his life. Washington had seen strong, capable men crippled and destroyed by their own
fear. In war he had seen men transformed into platoon-destroying monsters driven by fear and paranoia. Losing
control of your emotions could cause a man to lose control of his actions, and in Washingtons opinion that was unforgivable.

Washington lived his life focused on control, and while he served in the military he had fought in wars and he had made
the decision to kill for his country. Most importantly, he had been the man the others had turned to in their moments of
self-doubt and confusion because Washington was always in control¦until a few days ago.

Rebecca. No, I couldnt help her. She was so consumed by her pain, her guilt, that her delusions became unreasonable.
Washington thought to himself. She thought she was on some quest or mission that gave her the right to bring down
a nation. She never listened to me! Rebecca had always been headstrong and sure of herself, but Washington never thought she would become blinded by her thirst for righteousness. She honestly believed that she could cleanse the world with her testimony of the corruption
and chaos lurking in within the judicial system. She could not see what her letter would become or what it would do to the
nation, but Washington knew. He knew of the beast chaos and how it found momentum when it searched for justice.
He had always loved Rebecca, he loved her strength, and he even loved her blindness.

And as he followed her into the church where they were married long ago he loved her, and when he spoke his final
words to her outside of the confessional he loved her, and even as he lit the match and dropped it into the kerosene he
loved her. He loved her so much he wanted to control her pain, and the only way for him to do that was to sacrifice her.
He sacrificed the happiness she brought him to save the nation, and as she burned, his love for her burned stronger.

* * *

“I am glad you could make it, Sergeant.

“Bill, you didnt leave me much choice, Washington replied in a cold voice.

“Sergeant, choices are the one thing I simply do not have.

“How bad is it, Bill? Washington looked around the room as he asked the question. A lone metal table had been
placed in the center of the large room and it was scattered with paper and sketches. Bill stood before a large television
monitor and he continued to speak to Washington in a hushed tone,

“Sergeant, the information I am about to provide you is classified. National Security is of the utmost importance.

“I can understand that Bill.

“No, Washington, I dont believe that you can understand exactly what is happening out there.

“Bill, you have always been¦excitable.

“Sergeant, Bill began, his voice dripping with sarcasm, “I am sure you can understand it is not easy for me to ask you
for helpâ€â€Âit has been a very long time.

Bill was looking at Washington with suppressed disgust and obvious contempt. Washington had wanted to believe
that time could heal all wounds. Washington shut his eyes for a moment in an attempt to compose himself, instead he
found himself remembering the jungles of Cambodia. He could smell the wet and twisted limbs of jungle trees whose
leaves dripped a wetter secretion than the endless rainfall.
The odor of wetness covered his body and was so concentrated he thought it would never fade.

Explosions surrounded the platoon and, in a moment of chaos, it was Washington who was forced to make a decision.
Bill was on his first tour of Nam and he had become the Lieutenants shadow. Washington could remember the events
of that fateful day as they unfolded in flashing scenes.The Lieutenant held point, and Bill was close by with a
radio strapped to his back. Washington looked up as he felt a cold sensation awakening him. Something was about to
happen and without a moment of hesitation he began to walk towards the Lieutenant.

“Lieutenant, what coordinates did you give headquarters?

At that moment the claymore exploded. No one knew who had tripped the wire, but when the deafening explosion hit,
the platoon hugged the soggy earth praying for their lives. Washington waited for the inevitable gunfire that always followed
an ambush but he heard nothing. As the smoke cleared he saw most of the platoon was intact and then he
noticed that Bill and the Lieutenant were gone. Washington looked around for a moment before turning to speak to the
platoon.

“We are going after the Lieutenant. The Viet Cong aint here yet but those bastards wont be far behind if they heard
that explosion. They found Bill a quarter mile away, he was crouched in the bush, sobbing, and clutching the radio.
Washington signaled for the rest of the men to get down and cover him. Washington silently crept toward Bill; he made
eye contact and motioned for Bill to be quiet.

“Wheres the Lieutenant? Washington hissed.

“Iâ€â€ÂI dont knowâ€â€ÂI ranâ€â€Âthe explosionâ€â€Âhe¦

“He what?

“I heard gunshots. I think the Lieutenant went down.

“How many shots?

“One.

“Where did it come from?

“I dont knowâ€â€ÂIm sorryâ€â€ÂI got scared, Bill began to sob as Washington looked down at the ground contemplating
what to do.

“Damn Snipers! Whered the Lieutenant go down?

“About thirty yards ahead.

“Thirty yards! Washington looked at Bill long and hard. “How did you two get separated?

“I belly crawled back toward the platoon once I heard the shotâ€â€ÂI¦ Washington stared at him in disbelief.

“You left him there?

“Iâ€â€ÂIâ€â€Âwas scared and I¦

“And you what? Washington demanded, needing to hear the words.

“I leftâ€â€ÂI left, Bill stammered.

Washington looked at the man before him crying, overwhelmed with emotion and carrying an M-16. He did not see
a solider, he saw a weak man defeated by his own fear.

“You are a coward. Out here in this jungleâ€â€Âwe are all weve got! Do you understand that? Do you!

Washington opened his eyes and looked at Bill, who was thirty years older, and he remembered how on that day they
had both been very lucky. The Lieutenant had lived, and Washington had rescued him, taking a bullet in the process,
but they had all escaped death and Bill escaped a court martial for desertion.

“No, Bill, I imagine it was not easy to call me for help.

“So, Sarge, are you still a hero?

“Well, Billy, that depends, Washington hesitated before smiling at Bill.

“Depends on what?

“Are you still a crybaby?

Bill smiled and nodded, his career had not been as glorious or decorated as Washingtons. In fact, he was only a pencil-
pushing grunt with a big title: Urban Warfare Coordinator. He had received the position after serving seven years on
active duty and the only problem was that he had been under the false pretense that this job was fictional. America would
never have to defend itself against other Americans. At least that is what Bill had thought in his many years of service,
and because of that misconception, he had not developed any strategies that were suited for the current situation.

“As I said, this information is classified. The National Guard has been unsuccessful in subduing riots that have
erupted in Chicago, Los Angeles, Santa Monica, New York, Philadelphia, Boston, San Antonio, Cleveland, and Miami.

“Bill, explain to me how that is possible.

“The National Guard is experiencing abnormal levels of resistance. Here, take a look at this. Bill was holding a small
remote in his hand and he turned on the television.

Washington watched as the video stream began. The National Guard was marching down the streets of Chicago
towards a crowd of people standing before the courthouse. In front of the crowd, of what Washington guessed to be five-
thousand or more, a handsome African-American man probably sixteen or seventeen was asking to speak with Anthony
Clayton Bauer. Washingtons heart clenched in his chest, Bauer had gone to Harvard with his wife.

The National Guard continued to approach the crowd and a uniformed soldier ordered the crowd to disperse. The
crowd became restless and began to shift as the members of the guard moved in closer. Bill stopped the tape.

“A few moments later a blood bath would ensue.

“How many were killed?

“The guard sustained heavy casualties but 3,200 civilians were killed.

“What method was used?

“The guard followed procedure in the beginning and they ordered the crowd to disband. Then they moved in with battering
rams to push the crowd back. The rioters began throwing objects at the soldiers and the soldiers readied themselves
to launch tear gas when a nearby car backfired. One of the soldiers panicked and fired into the crowd, a teenage boy was
killed, Bill paused to review his notes for a moment. “Yes, Justin Lawson was shot and killed. Afterwards the crowd
rushed the soldiers, and in the stampede some soldiers were trampled and stripped of their weapons.

“But the riot was subdued, correct?

“That is correct, however, it seems a great deal of the footage was captured by a news helicopter circling overhead
and the footage was aired live.

“And¦

“The force and brutality displayed by the Guard, combined with the letter written by your wife, has sparked eight
new riots to break out across the nation.

“How severe is the damage?

“Our resources are sparse and we do not have the manpower or the arsenals needed. The war overseas has limited
us to a quarter of our potential resources. We simply are not prepared to quell this type of outbreak.

“How severe is it, Bill, Washington asked again.

“More than 300,000 rioters in each of the cities.

“And what is the President saying? What are his orders?

“Negotiation is not possible. We have a race war on our hands.

“War? Bill, a riot is hardly a war.

“These are not rioters! They carry grenades, handguns, M16s, and they assemble makeshift bombs. They are launching
their arsenals from the rooftops.

“What do you want from me, Bill?

“I need you to gain control of the situation. Do whatever you have to do.

“Bill, do not ask me to do that. I was an officer¦

“And a damn good oneâ€â€ÂI realize that now.

“Bill, I took a bullet for you and my country. I would gladly fight in any war and die for this nation, but I am a
gruntâ€â€Âa combat soldier. I only know how to annihilate, Bill.

“Washington, you do not understand the severity of the situation.

“No, Bill, you dont understand! If you send me in there, Washington screamed pointing at the television, “there wont
be anything left when Im finished.

“Washington¦

“Nothing.

The two men sat in silence for what seemed an eternity and finally it was Bill who spoke calmly and confidently, he
began to plead with his former Sergeant; “You are a coward. Years ago you said those words to me
and you judged me, no, you damned me because I had no control over my fear. And you were right, but sometimes you
need to be scared because fear can drive you. I am scared. Our American cities are burning and this display of weakness
will change how the rest of the world views us. We will no longer be seen as the most powerful nation, but as a nation
unable to control its own citizens. A nation without authority is a nation open for attack. We must quell these riots! We
are all weve got, remember?

Washington looked up at Bill.

“Washington, if Jimmy could come home, if he was alive, would you have him survive one war just to face another one
here in America?

“Jimmy?

“Washington, help me. Help me prevent another civil war.

“Yes, Bill, Washington replied his voice void of emotion. “I will help you, but once you unleash the beast, the fire will
fall from heaven.

Bill looked at his former sergeant in bewilderment, “What do you mean?

Washington turned away from Bill, tired of staring at the same helpless solider he had rescued thirty years ago. As
Washington walked out of the room he spoke to Bill one last time. His voice was filled with resolve as he told Bill what the
future held.

“And so it says in the book of Samuel: Place them and all that they possess under the curse of destruction. Do not spare
them. Kill man, woman, and even her suckling babe. And that is exactly what I will do.

“And as I waited for the humans to bomb and destroy their world, I could hear, in the jungle, a creature beginning to stir. Many days before, a soldier awoke; he blinked his eye, looked around, and then he spoke:

“Amy, the word caught in his throat.

“Friday ended with the army unleashing the beast. He looked down upon the cities and he called down the fire. The
flames engulfed the yielding earth and brought creation to its knees. The beast spoke of cleansing fire ridding the world of
disease.

“The beast, foul creature I know him to be, had other plans in mind. Once the earth was purified, the rules he could
define. The flames burned bright, the bodies they burned long, and the buildings began to topple and fall.

“Behold your nation, America. I silently weep for you all.

“Watch as the ground, saturated with blood, appears as though it bleeds. Inhale and cough as human ashes rise
toward the sun and the air is as rancid as poison. Yet, humans, even in the end, still attempt to protect. They covet
what they love the most, so precious money will be spared.

“The financial districts of the world remain intact and in these dark disgusting burrows a few creatures creep. They
cannot breathe and they do not think. These zombies simply walk the earth.

“And as I turn left and right, I glance up and down, everywhere, in every corner, death can be found. The seas red
waves crash against the shore and the stench could make you sick, and war is the phrase you taste upon your lips. The soldiers
are now gone, lost forever in darkness. Not even their legacy lives on.

“Since the beginning, humans are told creation was the most magnificent thing to behold and in the past few days I have attempted to reveal a most horrific event. I saw your world end in a brilliant flash of light. That is a fact. I watched the bodies burn for days and cause the sky to turn
black. I have watched the Atlantic and Pacific bleed like open wounds. I have seen the waters rinse tiny bodies. Your ocean
is a tomb.

“And that is how the dark night ends. I have told you how it began. Now, allow me to show you what comes after the end.


RI War