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rblyl
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![]() Posted: Post subject: 'Once in a Lifetime' |
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that is the title to a Talking Heads song..in it the songwriter speaks of waking up in someone elses life. I strongly relate to this feeling..I am putting this out here, what I say can be very misunderstood by the people who see me in my life on a regular basis. I have been in an almost 2 year 'funk'...I call it more appropriately a pout. Some days I have been almost bewildered at how unfamiliar this life is to me.. as strange is this may sound I seen only a couple of paths to go when I was younger and life stretched out for ahead of me...I was going to end up in a form of dance, or live like my mother (pretty wild). But things happen..life takes a course if we dont impose a clear direction ourselves sometimes. I couldnt do the dance, first the back and forth unstable way we lived didnt allow for anything that required strong discipline..so I found another form that we doable about anywhere..but then I lacked a commitment to see things through, that something was important to me even on days where I was apathetic. I would just go party with friends and blow everything else off. By the time I 'woke up' I had children and a marriage failing..so I did the next thing in front of me for our survival...the program that was open to me that I seemed to have a knack for. Not part of a 'plan' though originally. So thankfully I did not end up an addict, nor did I end up dancing life away with no ties..instead I am a paramedic in a packing house county, where 60% dont even seem to know the language here and a mother of children in which I have had an on-going fear that somehow they would find out that I am flying by the seat of my pants parenting some days..and thier disappointment at not having June Cleaver in the house. A different life...not a bad life, and I am still adjusting as strange as that sounds. A lot of my friends got into drugs and passed away here and there in the 1990's West Coast. But I am here..alive. I wonder how many women are as baffled as me sometimes..most dont look it. But neither do I, and I work hard at that. I have thrown more than my share of opportuinities away..but really, at least they were there, and I think of how much better things could have been..and can still be if I practiced GRATITUDE instead of resistance. A last thought on this...in 2002 a wonderful woman named Sally in her 70's and had a
a large dance studio in Portland..I would go there sporatically for some time. One day she offered that I could come in and help out some of the children beginning. I told her I had no child care to do such a thing..she offered that I could bring my own children then no problem. I looked around at the kids coming in just making the first steps in this-thier whole lives ahead of them, and I thought 'Why would I want to do this.' (I was kind of bitter) That was the last time I was there, or any place like it again..but the memory I have was her..in her 70's with her Tap shoes dancing across the floor with such a beautiful smile..still graceful. Now I can see 'why'.
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rblyl
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![]() Posted: Post subject: |
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`bla bla..guess i cant be left in a forum long without much sleep! Have a great day everyone..!!!!:)lol
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kaskiyeh
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![]() Posted: Post subject: |
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`IT CALLED LIVING LIFE AND MAKING CHOICES!!
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trubblemaka
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![]() Posted: Post subject: |
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`HOLY FRIGGIN CRAP!!!!! LMAO!
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rblyl
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`YOU GUYS CRACK ME UP!!!!!LOL!
but what the hell..this is the 20th Century after all!!!lol! ...or is it?
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trubblemaka
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`i had to get my pillow and nightlight out to read that long --- post...gah! rblyl...
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rblyl
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![]() Posted: Post subject: |
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`AAWWWW...but you read it anyway...whadda guy!
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