so I am alive

[rblyl (deleted)]

so I couldn't stay through the whole funeral today. Emotion is something I haven't mastered yet, and I don't care to display that in public. But I have been thinking of her life, and my initial thoughts at her being gone (which were 'of all people why her?'), I think of the miserable people I see on an almost daily basis..at my job, in my family, in this town, ect. unhappy and always a critical word just in case anyone gets the thought of being joyful. I thought of myself..I am not her and not by a long shot. She was just kind to everyone, and a laugh you could hear down the block. But she was truly happy in her (short) life. Sometimes things just seem to be pointless as to why some things happen to some people...I have to assign some meaning to it for myself, or things just seem too out of order for comfortable comprehension. In the writing she wanted to leave behind..I have been thinking a lot of that cause I think she was trying to tell people something important about life. ..I KNOW I could be a better person. Sometimes I am irritable, ungrateful..sarcastic. We all have faults and always will..but I see no reason today to hold onto them like they are to be a cherished and protected original inhabitant of my identity. It is possible to loosen these things with time I believe. I am writing this only to myself. something that when it drops to the bottom here i can still look at it as a reminder of what this life could mean.

[trubblemaka (deleted)]

`keep your chin up

[rblyl (deleted)]

`Thank you Trubble and I will, am. Just don't want this life to escape from me too fast without being present in it anymore.

[trubblemaka (deleted)]

`dont be afraid to ride your brakes once in awhile...

[(deleted)]

`Just live life on life's terms.Live everyday as if it were you last, never know about tomorrow..(smile)

[rblyl (deleted)]

`..:)