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![]() Posted: Post subject: Anger management works |
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When you occasionally have a really bad day,
and you just need to take it out on someone,
don't take it out on someone you know,
take it out on someone you don't know.
I was sitting at my desk when I remembered
a phone call I'd forgotten to make.
I found the number and dialed it.
A man answered, saying 'Hello.'
I politely said, 'This is Chris.
Could I please speak with Robyn Carter?'
Suddenly a manic voice yelled out in my ear
'Get the right f*** ing number!'
and the phone was slammed down on me.
I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude.
When I tracked down Robyn's correct
number to call her, I found that I had
accidentally transposed the last two digits.
After hanging up with her, I decided to
call the 'wrong' number again.
When the same guy answered the phone,
I yelled 'You're an @sshole !' and
hung up. I wrote his number down with
the word '@sshole' next to it, and put it
in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks,
when I was paying bills or had a
really bad day, I'd call him up and yell,
'You're an @sshole !'
It always cheered me up.
When Caller ID was introduced, I thought
my therapeutic @sshole calling would have
to stop.
So, I called his number and said, 'Hi, this is
John Smith from the telephone company.
I'm calling to see if you're familiar with
our Caller ID Program?'
He yelled 'NO!' and slammed down the phone.
I quickly called him back and said,
'That's because you're an @sshole!'
and ---- up.
One day I was at the store, getting ready
to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and
pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for.
I hit the horn and yelled that I'd been waiting
for that spot, but the idiot ignored me.
I noticed a 'For Sale ' sign in his back window,
so I wrote down his number.
A couple of days later, right after calling the
first @ssh*le (I had his number on speed dial),
I thought that I'd better call the BMW @ssh*le, too.
I said, 'Is this the man with the black BMW
for sale?'
He said, 'Yes, it is..'
I asked, 'Can you tell me where I can see it?'
He said, 'Yes, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax.
It's a yellow rambler, and the car's parked
right out in front.'
I asked, 'What's your name?'
He said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
I asked, 'When's a good time to catch you, Don?'
He said, 'I'm home every evening after five.'
I said, 'Listen, Don, can I tell you something?'
He said, 'Yes?'
I said, 'Don, you're an @sshole !'
Then I ---- up, and added his number to my
speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem,
I had two @ssholes to call.
Then I came up with an idea.
I called @sshole #1.
He said, 'Hello.'
I said, 'You're an @sshole!'
(But I didn't hang up.)
He asked, 'Are you still there?'
I said, 'Yeah.'
He screamed, 'Stop calling me!'
I said, 'Make me.'
He asked, 'Who are you?'
I said, 'My name is Don Hansen.'
He said, 'Yeah? Where do you live?'
I said, '@sshole, I live at 34 Oaktree Blvd,
in Fairfax, a yellow rambler,
I have a black Beamer parked in front.'
He said,
'I'm coming over right now, Don.
And you had better start saying your prayers.'
I said, 'Yeah, like I'm really scared,
@sshole,' and ---- up.
Then I called @sshole No. 2.
He said, 'Hello?'
I said, 'Hello, @sshole .'
He yelled, 'If I ever find out who you are...'
I said, 'You'll what?'
He exclaimed, 'I'll kick your @ss,'
I answered, 'Well, @sshole, here's your chance.
I'm coming over right now.'
Then I ---- up and immediately called the police,
saying that I lived at 34 Oaktree Blvd, in Fairfax,
and that my gay lover was on his way over to kill me.
Then I called Channel 9 News about the gang war
going down in Oaktree Blvd. in Fairfax.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to Fairfax
I got there just in time to watch two @ssholes beating
the crap out of each other in front of six cop cars,
an overhead news helicopter and surrounded by a news crew.
NOW I feel much better.
Anger management works..
Ha ha!! It's a joke a make believe story!!
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