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Middle of the road

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Posted:     Post subject: Middle of the road

I turned 44 the other day and although i dont think age makes a person this or that..i have noticed a definate change in perspective starting about one year ago. I believe this change has come due to seeing my life and the world with the element of time and experience that i had lacked in my twenties and could have cared less about in my thirties. My twenties were chaos, and thirties were mainly about damage control. In my teens i turned rather rebellious (actually it was extreme) then i found alcohol, which made me numb..and stupid. After turning 30 i figured time was moving faster, i was stuck and it was definately time to catch up...go back to school, focus on the children i had and reconnect with my family, so i moved back to the midwest and worked a frantic pace to make things happen figuring i could catch up with my life i left later. 7 years went by fast, and by the time i thought of my life i was going to get back to "when i got myself together" i didnt care anymore.. i no longer had an interest in the wild times of my twenties.
But it was still hard to sit still...i moved with my kids quite often, more than i should have, everytime i got uncomfortable basically. Now this last go around with facing another move my son said a definate NO. He started high school here and wants to finish here...he is enjoying his life. So..we stay and i move over to finally allow my kids to develop thier life, instead of tagging onto mine. But because i had to sit with stuff i normally had just run from, i had time to think way back. And what i find strange is that the things that i took for granted in my teens and early twenties, are what i now cherish. The memoreis of my grandparents, the quiet, kind friends i had that put up with a lot of crap, that i thought were too backward and myself so much smarter (when it was the other way around.) Back then i thought so many other things were important..i was going to do this and that...and i did do most of it..and found it all wasn't that great that i thought it was going to be. but what was great was all that i took for granted would always be there, until it was not there any longer. Time changes things..people move away or die. And some of us are left, missing them and wishing we would have enjoyed the moment..just being there.
Everything, and everyone in life now..will one day be a memory. And i will be a memory to my kids. I want to give them good memories.
The time in the sun was so brief..probably really only a year and a half of my life in retrospect. but i was SO full of life it seemed i owned it. When it was really only on short term loan.
take care all and thanks for putting up with just one more "i remember back in the day......" in the world.

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