"Ambros Yellowhair, My Continuation"

[chumani67_PREV (deleted)]

No word games here....Hugger, you never fail to make me laugh no matter how down I have got..fun spirit. Nightchant, great human being anyone would have been glad to know. Cello, one of the sweetest most sincere people I have met here. Johnmarlon..you wise old soul! Love "vibes" to you all from here!

[chumani67_PREV (deleted)]

`Just moving it to the top.

[johnmarlon (deleted)]

I had to laugh after reading some of this. It's probably not appropriate that I mention it but meh, what the hey..lol

[nightchant (deleted)]

chumani67, hey i only wrote what was then & the things i was going through at the time. Ambros Yellowhair was a man that i met in my time of dilemma & even though our lives were different we still had something in common. this was a true live event & it was written because this was our time of need & compassion but during this time there was no compassion. to be spit on, being called murderer & baby killer was not my idea of compassion & love. to be sent out in this world because we were deemed able to function in a time of hate, twisted the mind even more & a lot of my brothers in arms did not make it in this life. Ambros was an alcoholic & he had given up because america gave up on him. i respect john mccain for his time in vietnam but he is not a friend of the Dine'. he advocates for peabody coal so that they can have unlimit rights to strip mine the Black Mountain region, a very holy & sacred place to the Dine'. i write what i have seen & felt because it has not gotten any better. so what was written was not something that was racial but something that was real at the time. it's too bad people feel the way they do & cannot see. i am a crisis intervention worker & i work with veterans everyday 24/7. this is my way of giving back to the ones that gave there hearts for a cause that was & still is going on. i advocate for my Nation & i will stand for my Nation because i am Dine', "The People." i stood with my own Father during the 1986 Big Mountain resistence against the army's 1st armored division. "armored division"!!! so tell me, is this what you call freedom or genocide of a peaceful people. you want to know more, go to those web sites i posted & read what i am talking about, it continues even in this day, this is not the way of america, it now the way of corporate amerika. i would gladly lay down my life for my Dine' Nation's way of life & my childrens way of life. something you will probaby never feel or know of.

as for sticking a fork because your done, raw is raw, move on you sad person.

[chumani67_PREV (deleted)]

`I was talking about the freedom of speech..which is what I hope we can all respect here...something that was fought for, like yourself..and my own beloved Grandfather, and that some had died for it has been said. And I have not been in a position to have to lay down my life for my CHILDREN..as I dont think anyone here has to my knowlege. But to even assume I wouldn't (if that is indeed what was meant) or wouldn't have that compulsion is an insult to myself as a woman and a mother. I sacrifice for my children daily as a single mother in ways people who dont live like myself cant comprehend...I go without plenty so they can have a better way than I had myself. That anything I wrote here was taken .. and returned with an insult is very sad to me.

[chumani67_PREV (deleted)]

[blackfootedgirl]

`Except for the negative name calling ,it's good to get what's really on our minds off our chest, too many of these forums are wasted on mindless fluff. Not so here , this kind of discussion can be very healthy,so come to an agreement or agree to disagree, but keep the dialog comming.

[chumani67_PREV (deleted)]

`love to you too Blackfootedgirl, and from the very first post on this thread that is all I was trying to impart..good "ness". Never would I want to attack any one of these people on this..I have no ill will at all toward any of them at all. The opposite in fact! I am regretful that any word I said was taken as an insult, and I hate to percieve I recieved one. I don't know how things end up this way...communicating just spelling out words leaves a lot to be desired.

[nightchant (deleted)]

`i do apologize for my part in this discussion. but what i wrote was not intended to rip anyone. it was just piece of my history of compassion between two men trying to find their way back to reality. but it was taken way out of context & i was just expressing how "i" felt back then, when there was no love for Vietnam Veterans only hate & how i felt for being released when i was still twisted inside & lost. i lost some good friends & my guilt was, i was still alive & they were all gone. i also had to experience the hate from the ones i thought i was fighting for & it all became part of my poison. i do apologize to hugger of trees, she has the right to express how she feels but like i said it was about two men meeting for the 1st & last time & sharing joy & compassion with each other in a time of so much ugliness. as a child i was taken from a world of love & put in a BIA institution of hate. told that i am no longer Dine' & so my history began. i resisted everyday & i paid a heavy price for resisting. but i learned from my Grandmother & the day the BIA took me from her, she told me to remember who i am & never forget. what i write in my words is what i have seen & been through. this is who i am & my words are part of my history & not meant to, like i said to rip anyone, only to share. so when i use the word white man, it is because i was surrounded by them & physically abused by them. i was put in foster homes because the BIA said my Grandmother could not care for me & so the abuse continued & i carried these scars with me for most of my life, so all of this also became part of my history. i do not hate the bilagaana, i am only sad that they could not see the good in me. yaanishteeh bidiishkaal doo baa aheeh doo bi iina (it is good to be dedicated & to appreciate it & its life).

[chumani67_PREV (deleted)]

forgiveness is good.

[cello_PREV (deleted)]

Thanks nightchant for offering the hand of peace to those concerned. If you really think about it ... who would you trust to be fighting by your side ... those who would come out and say things to your face on a forum so public such as this? Or the majority who would safely say it behind your back. This handful of us here that risk voicing our opinions, and being judged for them... Perhaps we have more in common than we know.
Blackfooted girl (thank you) made a good point ... but I must say talking about mindless fluff is a lot less risky and fun, and I plan to strike a ballance and do that again soon. HAha!! cause this isn't that much fun ... but sometimes necessary. I like to think there is something to be learned or gained from all interactions. John mentioned the word 'awkward' and yes it's true there are deffinitey awkward moments to be had by those who speak their mind from emotions. But what is the alternative? ... to risk no awkward moments in life at all? ... to play it safe? ... to pre-calculate every word before we say it?.... Sure I often put my foot in my mouth ... and hanging out on that limb (considering who I am percieved to be and where I come from) can be darn uncomfortable. But considering the topic nightchant of your original story, I'm pretty sure you'd rather even the most bluntly spoken words preferable to a politicions politely veiled speach or crooked silence. If there was a war ... Hugger.. a more loyal and trustwothy ally to have I could not imagine..... And Chumani with her sincere open heart and desire for peace...
Mental note to myself number 3,756: Do not take things/words personally and react to what is not aimed at me as an individual. I see your story in a different light now nightchant, as you had felt it to be in it's original context. Perhaps you could spell it out next time for the ones such as I that wonder by such words about whites sometimes (which are all over the forums) if we have a welcome place on this site. I know that there are some that think I don't, and should stay in the background. My intentions are good... My words not perfect. My knowledge of your world .. almost nothing. My interest and sincerity .. I am sure of. This forum does definitely remind me of growing up with brothers and sisters all disagreeing, but being 'family' enough to get over it ... and in time laugh about what had seemed so serious.
Peace and goodwill to all

[(deleted)]

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[chumani67_PREV (deleted)]

`Yes laugh..and Cello you are a sweet person.

(I edited out all that wasn't keeping in the "spirit" of the post, I suppose. The old plight of midwest farmers dosent seem to be of relevance when speakng of a government wanting to , again, take the land of Native Americans for profit..bye)

[(deleted)]

`To live without really living is to remain in the past where there is no future.

I dare to walk my talk daily as best as I can with the willingness to go deeper when offered the choice and yes to walk my talk as best I can daily with the motive of only having spoken from my heart and even deeper, my soul.

[chumani67_PREV (deleted)]

`If there is nothing else about you....you do have soul. And you do speak and live from your heart..dosen't take too long to figure that out. What about trees?? Some of my trees are magnificent..beautiful. And some..planted by my own actions or experience brought by others are twisted, ugly..dying. My forest will be beautiful though..if seen from the right angle. And you too! Can you tell I haven't slept since yesturday at work? I am going to bed now.. I want to be peacemaker here and I wouldn't care except that I DO care. But all are entitled to their feelings and I wont intrude on that any longer. Goodnight.