okay joke time everybody put a good joke

[zondo2009]

alright being in the navy i cant say all of our jokes are clean but this one cracked me up ill keep it as curse free as i can.

okay so these two kids are talking about how cool their weekend was and one of the little boys puts his wrist in front of his friends face and his friend says whoa! whered u get that awesome watch. the kid says i walked into the room when my parents were having --- and my dad threw it at me and told me to get out. so this the little boy thinks to himself and comes up with a plan. that night he waits to hear his parents start, and waits......finally he hears them having --- in the room so he bursts into the room and his dad says "hey! what do u want!?" and his son says "i wanna watch!." His dad looks at him puzzled for a moment then says "okay but stand in the corner and be quiet then!"

lol i thought it was funny. and ha! i didnt have to use any bad words hopefully yall still thought it was funny

[nanabrianna (deleted)]

`LOL never heard that one before!

[harmony68 (deleted)]

wow

[zondo2009]

`lol hey yall gotta leave jokes too or its not fair!

[harmony68 (deleted)]

Last week, I checked into the Four Seasons in Palm Beach and was a bit lonely. I thought, "I'll call one of those guys you see advertised in phone books for escorts and ------- massages."

I looked through the phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony - a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo.. He had all the right muscles in all the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack abs and I felt quite certain I could bounce a quarter off his well oiled butt.... you get the picture. I figured, what the heck, I'll give him a call. "Hello, sir, how may I help you?" . . . Oh God, he sounded sooo sexy!

Afraid I would lose my nerve if I hesitated, I rushed right in, "Hi, I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and what I really want is ---. I want it hard, I want it hot, and I want it now... Bring implements, toys, rubber, leather, whips, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go hot and heavy all night -tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything and everything, baby. Now how does that sound?"

He says, "Oh my God... that sounds absolutely fantastic, but you need to press 9 for an outside line."

[zondo2009]

`haha o s--- that was pretty good! im on chow break fun so heres another joke

Texan: “Where are you from?
Harvard grad: “I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions.
Texan: “Okay – where are you from, jackass?

lol im from texas, thats pretty much how itd go down.

[nanabrianna (deleted)]

`LOL I got one, it's not a joke this is something funny that happened today. I was on BART (the train) and the train was slowing down and speeding up randomly. I realized I dropped something on the ground and once I reached forward to get it the train suddenly stops. So I fell face forward into the seat in front of me. Unfortunately, the seat was occupied by another person O.O The guy stared at me with the *what the hell?!* look on his face. I said sorry as many times as I could for landing face forward in his lap, then went and sat on the opposite end of the train. AWKWARD!

[zondo2009]

`omg thats the best. thats some funny stuff. hahahahaha o man yeah awkward indeed. well gotta go to class laterz

[karmamillie (deleted)]

`I sat on a girl's face once...in the subway, the subway stopped all of a sudden and I fell with my bum on a girl's face...

or once I was of the point of getting up ( I was sitting in the subway) and in the middle of me getting up..you know when your knees are bent a bit.. the subway stopped and I went with my whole chest in a man`s face ( and had a cleavage)..he was all smily and embarassed and I was like *hides face*..

Or the most embarassing thing...I have a cellphone and always have stuff hanging after..you know the winnie the pooh or stuff like that...and umm I went for a sleepover at my best friend`s place and I brought another pair of panties so I can change and be clean. So Im in the metro, my way to my friend`s place and my cellphone rings and it's in my bag..so I search for it,grab it and take it out..and what comes out flying from my bag? my clean underwear...the underwear hanged on my cellphone thingy and it flew when I took my cellphone out and landed on a girl in front of me...I was soooo embarassed..I was like..sorry at least they were clean..and everyone in the subway just stared at me with a funny look lol...

Im the queen of akward situations and embarassing moments since Im overly clumsy and have no coordination at all lol

[zondo2009]

`damn thats pretty crazy, nothing like that has ever happened to me on a subway, hopefully my turn will come :)

[harmony68 (deleted)]

`ok, this isnt as funny...

i had just taken a chug of coffee and someone made me laugh out of nowhere. i tried to not laugh, ended up kinda choking and coughing cause the coffee went down the wrong way and just spewed all i had in my mouth all over what was in front of me, my monitor, keyboard, window, cabinet...

yeah, not fun cleaning that up when all my coworkers were CRACKING up - still

[nanabrianna (deleted)]

`LMAO!! It was even funnier cus the guy shoved me off and I was like jeez I don't wanna be here either!!

[zondo2009]

`hahaha instead of helping u up thats horrible lol! and that sux with the coffee thing, one time i was eating breakfast with a friend and he eats his cheerios really soggy cuz that how he likes them and we were sittin at the table together and some guy told him something trying to be rude i dont remember but i gave a corny thats what ur mom said joke and my friend cracked up while he was eating the cereal and some of the cheerios erupted from his nose all over his eggs and pancakes, made my day, it was hilarious and he kept laughing although i could tell a slight disappointment that he ruined his breakfast, or at least over salted it lol.

[nanabrianna (deleted)]

`Lmao soggy cheerios? Soggy cheerios= cold oatmeal to me lol

[harmony68 (deleted)]

`wow, true stories are the best aren't they and we can laugh at ourselves. over salted LMAO