I am throwing my hands up.

[rblyl (deleted)]

I am one of these really really weird women who is not proficient at reading the minds of men. In fact, I am clueless. So here it is bluntly..as far as I know women are responders. Why do women fall for men who have the talk? Because it gives us something to RESPOND to (just in case there are any men who read the forum and have wondered this-there it is-now you know.) When men pursue a woman and she responds, she is responding to the words and behavior in the pursuit. When a man becomes complacent, because she is captured or whatever..she may begin to nag, at least. Then men appear to be dumbfounded that there may be a problem (her problem, of course) that she is not happy. People say it's unrealistic (not "real life") that people can pay that kind of attention past the initial phase of a relationship. Why not? Maybe thats why so many fail then? Personally, if it's not there 100%, I dont want it at all..and women who do settle like that look old at 45 and unhappy and dont live from thier heart at all, they look tired. But what the hell..they got someone to watch a nightly re-run with...oh boy. Talk about death... LIFE wasn't suppose to be like that people!

[rblyl (deleted)]

`Crap..I should clarify this post is about NO ONE in particular and does NOT reflect any current or even past situation I have been in. It is based on observation. Also, there is no negativity at men intended..just a general frustration over misunderstandings between the sexes (am I allowed to say that?) in expectations and a general fear I have of dying. Thank You.

Rebelyell

[lilmissmorbid]

Just curious..........

Why is it that a man will persue a woman but when that woman responds they run for the hills? Why take so much time and effort to ecapture a lady just to then vanish....?

Also if the tables are turned they run even faster.....why do men not like the tables turned either?

Answers on a postcard please.....lol

I'm just as cluless about men.....definately from mars or somewhere else....hehehe

[rblyl (deleted)]

`If I was a man maybe I would have an idea. My experience is that of a woman on this planet. I have thought that it is the pursuit..a hunt? There are no 'rites of passages for men now..when they feel they are recognized being a man from a boy by the society the live in. Thats just one thought??

My frustration is complacency after pursuit when people stop doing the very things that attracted one (female) in the first place. Then wonder why things are going sideways. And the response I got from a male friend on this when he said "well you cant really expect that forever" and my response was "why" and "I totally do expect that to continue". It dosen't take much to express a kind word or act to another..all the time people spend in front of the t.v. ..or computer, but they can't do some simple things to keep a spark going. I think it is just laziness. But also balance is important...I have been the recipient of overkill where there was a 'requirement' of accounting and demanding of all my time and attention into the bottomless pit of someone elses insecurities and that dosen't work either.

I just dont understand why this all has to be so freaking difficult?

Thanks for reading my morning rant. ha

[(deleted)]

`Not all men are complacent and crawl into a hole after the think they have you, it's really the men you pick, you need to check out their past history,if they been married fifty times that's a problem, but then it goes both ways, something is lacking in the choices people make, just ---- -- because they don't want to be alone!!If we go through getting married over and over again then there is a problem with ourselves that we need to look into.
Men are men they don't communicate like women do, woman are all about
" FEELINGS" we cry and make men so uncomfortable they don't know what to say to stop the tears they just get on the defensive or walk away!! Different species..


FYI!! IF YOU WERE A MAN YOU WOULD DO THE SAME THING, BECAUSE YOU WOULD FORGET WHAT IT WAS LIKE BEING A WOMAN!!!!

PS... ALSO AFTER YOU GET THIS MAN YOU WANT, THEN YOU'LL BE UNHAPPY BECAUSE HE'S ALWAYS UP YOUR --- NOT LITERARY .ALWAYS UNDERFOOT!!

[rblyl (deleted)]

`LOL!!! well that's happened too..but still. (oh and as I said this is just in general on observation and not on anyone current or past..)


"if I were a boy..I swear I'd be a better man.."

[zoupi]

There are some part of truth of course but I don't considere men are so different of women. That's a huge gift to make to them to think like that !

Most of the differences which lead to deceptions more often come from the cultural codes of our societies than from one kind of opposition between both sexes.
Most of the time each one stay settled in his own vision of what "must" be a couple, the "role" each one must keep and the duties which go with this role.

I don't see love in a man who chase a woman to keep his house clean, to give him beautiful babies and all the rest... (the list is too long ) in taking care of herself just as much to stay "attractive". Of course he will say that "you're a Princess, you're the most beautiful, that he will loves you for the rest of his life and do everything for you" but he can't really tell the truth :

"Well, I passed very good times with my mates but now I would to be a little more confortable so I need a woman to provide me the same cares than did my mother but with few more "prestations"".

If many men are so lazy in current life it's because they have been raised like that. Countless of the women I know complain about their husband attitude BUT ask to their daughters to give a hand at home when their sons are quietly playing outside !
Most of the time, to be lazy is a privilege given by the women simply because of this famous "statute" of MAN ! That's pretty human as reaction to want to keep such privileges. Why should they make some efforts if they can be spoiled just in putting their buttocks in a sofa in watching the TV a beer on the stomach ?

I read something one day, written by one American girl, which made me smile. She said that American girls like to have relashionships with French men because of their tender and attention but prefere to take one American for husband because of their "Macho" side ha ! ha !

I don't know if there is a part of truth in this statment but I know that the women who think like that are not near to stop to cry
A Macho is not a "virile" man, it's just a misogyne who will inevitably abuse one day or another.

I don't care of what the society waits from me as woman. What I want is to stay myself in sharing the most and the best possible with my closes, my family's members.

[rblyl (deleted)]

`Zoupi! I love you and I love this post! ...You never fail to make me smile:)

[johnmarlon (deleted)]

Well, this reminds me again of my teacher. She mentioned how Ojibwe people had arranged marriages by parents, and in a paper I left a question at the end of the paper "what happened if someone didn't want to get married?" The response I got when my paper was handed back was something like "What would that say about your trust?"

Man, that kind of blew my mind about how it must have been. Even more so considering your mother typically had a stronger say so.


I would have to agree with culture being a huge part of how both sexes interact. In modern society here, the biggest one that stands out is how men are expected to approach women. I guess some men do it so much that many women decide they don't need to?

I watched a roommate of mine who could easily work his way into the mind of women. I noticed it was his speaking skills in expressing how he feels and his ease in making them feel better when they explained their own emotional problems they had. I can see how he is strong in that sense but weaker in others, similar to how losing one sense strengthens another, and vice versa.


Different ways of thinking and communicating. Perhaps hugger is onto something there with a difference in species, lol.

I think it's meant to be complicated to make life more interesting and to test you as a person.

[rblyl (deleted)]

`hooorahh..another test from the great other emcompassing 26 dimentions of existence or whatever..well, I am sunk..I am a rotten test taker.

Your teacher had an interesting thought on that though. But I am happy my mother couldn't choose, she said when I was a girl that she would love to see me married one day to a guy like the one on the 'Dr.Pepper' commercials in the early 1980's ("wouldn't you lke to be a pepper too" one). Somehow a guy dancing around-singing on the street ('frollicking'), even at that age, just wasn't appealing to me. (yuck)

I wont even say anything about the spoken words that some men can put forth so ....something. Will just get me into even more trouble. BUT there is something to think about with different species huh..

[johnmarlon (deleted)]

rblyl wrote: But I am happy my mother couldn't choose


Well, your mother was born in this society we live in now so yea it's pretty obvious arranged marriages wouldn't work, lol. The mainstream way of life today is pretty sad.

[rblyl (deleted)]

`Don't get me wrong, Johnmarlon, a couple of my very best friends have been (are) guys who love to 'frollick', just I am no more their type than they are mine... If I had a brother though I am sure they'd just love him to pieces!

[pictishwarrior]

Quote: `In modern society here, the biggest one that stands out is how men are expected to approach women. I guess some men do it so much that many women decide they don't need to?

I get what your saying but i guess im an ole fashoined gal & wouldnt really go beyond subtle signals,thats how i was brought up.I have a friend however who just dives straight in, some guys think its gr8 but i have seen guys visably quail, eye ball's rolling round there head looking for her to blink so they can run for the nearest exit. the point that you made about 'it's meant to be complicated' is bang on COME ON how boring would it be if guys thought like us !

:lol:

[lilmissmorbid]

I have seen a few who are indian as in asian origin and them entering arranged marriages. The vast majority just know they just have to get on with it but some will even have and english girlfriend or boyfriend on the side in secret. Most I have seen are lucky in that ther person that they are to marry they already know and have been introduced since they were children but one case when I worked at this one company the man didn't want to marry but was forced to go to India by his family (he didn't want to bring shame on the family) and take a wife.

Several weeks had passed before she moved here to England and he made her life hell by telling her he never wanted her and of course the tradition is that young brides live with their husbands family or in their husbands home. Now of course this poor girl could not speak a word of english and had no one. He contined with his english girlfriend and as far as I know he threw her out. Now this girl did no wrong but with throwing her out and later I think he divorced her.....she now has been black marked and will find it impossible to marry again.

To me that sounds like a living hell to be forced into something without choice as you do hear of some horror stories like above but then the choice we have at the moment western relationships as mentioned before no one knows who should do what.

We know that the stereotypical of having the wife in the kitchen the homemaker with the husband as the breadwinner has now gone though there are plenty of men that still assume these roles will exist. Yes indeed male roles have become less but then it's really all about compromise isn't it. We know female roles in relationships and marriage have got more complicated but thats because for numerous years we have been supressed by a male society and rules that of course we were going to break out oneday. I'm sure in other cultures where women are classed higher in standard to men that the males may also wish to break out but who knows when that will be.

Me peronally i'm not afraid to do the asking out of anyone I'm interested in and will make the first move. I have had only one relationship where they have asked me out. Most are fine with it though I have seen how some ex boyfriends have found it uncomfy because of the fact I have a backbone, and independant, strongwilled mind. It may be the fact that the men I then seem to date have no backbone but at the end of the day all my relationships have been one sided....ie me seemingly taking the roles of both and moving ahead while whoever I'm with it's like having a child on bored to which I'm now getting sick to death of.

So my question is why can women show emotion and strength in a relationship but men have problems showing the emotion it doesnt make them any less of a man if they do but actually it shows strength?

Also I think it is a matter of culture too as zoupi mentioned that french man here are classed as the romatic types too, Italians the passionate ones, english men as dribbling idiots (hugh grant hardly gives british men a good vote) though on the other hand british men are also becoming yobs like the sort at football matches, american men are seen as courageous (know how to treat a lady but also have a spine) and australians all that the impression from english girls as being hard faced, hard workers and no respct to women. Whether there is any truth in the matter who knows.

All I know is I have gone off british men all together....not that I'm looking to date anyone anytime soon ....lol

[zoupi]

There are all kinds of men for each kind of women (and the inverse) but it's not so easy to find the most corresponding. To speak by Men or Women doesn't mean anything. It's mostly two personnalities compatible or not.

One of the difficulty is that there are no guaranties to meet the good one during the "chasing times" but it's what we try to do !

As pleasant as can be what is finally nothing more than --- datings, that will never replace a human meeting and the desire to put some romantism around don't walk a long time.
Maybe that would be too easy : "I'm tired to be alone and ready to engage myself so... what is disponible on the market ?" For peoples without patience it's easy to make a mistake :lol: