fear

[rblyl (deleted)]

Some of THE WORST decisions in my life were based when i have been afraid. Usually afraid of an uncertain future, cause something wasnt going how i had hoped, or planned. A threat to financial security or something like that, would send me spinning..usually manifesting itsself outwardly as anger.
What I would do in the past is exactly the opposite of what I needed to be doing. What I needed to do was sit back and just FEEL what was going on, look at it from an outside perspective..see the door that was opening instead of attempting to force another. It dosent feel good at all to feel fear, sadness, anger..and in those places we are vunerable. There are predators who smell it.. and can manipulate thier way into our lives in a way they never otherwise would have had access.
This happened to me in a big way 3 years ago..I wont go into all the details..but what took only days to get myself involved in took another few months to get away from, and then another 2 years of what i was told was PTSD I was dealing with. What a nightmare.. Last time any symptoms of this manifested I was on call sleeping AT WORK in a patient room and thought this person was outside the door to the room..I could see and hear him as plain as day and it was very REAL. It was a dream, problem was, I was in a half wake dream state, and went running, scared to death, out of the room and ran down the hall until one of the nurses got me and basically woke me up.
So I am careful now not to make any decisions when I am in a state of fear, because I could wind up- who knows?!! I am in some fear now, but I can step back and clear out a little and look at why this is happening, and whats opening that I cant quite see. I read today where some think that people who are courageous are so because they are without fear but that is not the case, they are truly intimate with fear.
Sometimes we are presented with a path in life that we just dont want to walk thru, we want to resist. Then that seems to be when all manners of weird things pop up and say 'heres the answer!'.. and presents us a kind of escape from that dark place, false hopes. But it is by walking thru that dark place we come into the truth of something that if we dont obtain now..same thing will present itself even more forcefully later. I know, I am living it now. Take care all

[kaskiyeh (deleted)]

`I live with PTSD everyday of my life.Most days I can keep it under control.
Fear of change is most likely someones biggest fear, we get comfortable and complacent in our space, and change scares us with a lot of WHAT IF'S!! I understand being drug into a situation for whatever reason and then you find you made once again a possible fatal mistake..Some people can play on your insecurities and offer that branch of "help" and find it full of thorns.
What ever you do (move move) I'm behind you 100 %

I WOULD RATHER TRIED TO FACE THE FEAR OF CHANGE THEN TO GO THROUGH LIFE WONDERING WHAT IF!!

[harmony68 (deleted)]

`thank you reb and kaskiyeh. i have a lot of fear right now... but after a brief crying spasm last night, i am walking tall and dealing with it. thanks to god/spirits. i am not afraid. what happens happens. i am getting ready for whatever will come. might be a bad turn out, might be an ok turn out. but i am not scared. and i do agree, that all i have been thru, to this point, has made easier to stand and face my "dark place" now.

friends, family and love is the support we need. and i have that here with all of those who i call friends - there are many of you.

much love!

[trubblemaka (deleted)]

`what a fitting post this is...
i have often felt held down and knew in my soul i was meant for bigger and better things and felt liike i was trapped in this space i am in. i have worked the oil fields in texas and wyoming and tried to get to alaska a few times to brave the environments there. i have found myself to be a very adventurous person and never afraid to try new things and pull myself thru a new thing to see what lies on the other side. i have gone thru a life of misery and pain and lost alot for not knowing truely who i am really am. i have lived a life of two different people and let alot of things and opportunities go for someone else and some situation. i know i can get thru any new challenge in front of me and feel some old challenges are better left aside. i've traveled thosed roads and my future doesn't lie there. i know i am an amazing person with amazing talent an my people and my desire to succeed in life is an amazing positive for me. i feel that when you are faced with a fork in the road you try both. one will get you where you are trying to go and one usually leads you where you have already been or a dead end. but you do not know unless you travel the path.

[harmony68 (deleted)]

`yes travel the path its does not help to struggle against what is already in front of you... as we try to when we are young, or we simply do not care about the outcome. like F'it attitude. its the realization that we have already been down a certain road and step back as Reb says and grasp - what is this for? what is the purpose?

i had an intense dream last week were i kept asking myself these questions...and it was so vivid and layered. it showed many huge changes in my life coming. and that i am to keep going forward. last week was a hard one, and yet, this week is difficult as well, but in a different way.

[rblyl (deleted)]

`I think i meant the importance of not taking an easier appearing road because we are afraid at what is happening. the first thing that jumps out and presents as an easy out is generally the single worst thing one can do. That is what got me in big trubble. ..I dont know most of the time the purpose of a given situation, or its purpose..a lot of times that will eluse me until the smoke has settled and a little time has gone by. So i just have to be very vigilant when things appear to have gone upside down.

[trubblemaka (deleted)]

`VERY CONFUSING CONFUSCOUS SAY...

[nanabrianna (deleted)]

`I don't have many years under my belt, but I do understand. Sometimes we need to take a step back and take stock of our lives. I've found that the answer to your future might be found in your past. The right path is the one you can live with. I wish all of you luck, this month just seems to suck doesn't it?

[trubblemaka (deleted)]

`running away from your past or being aware of a path to your future is something to think about. life has a way of showing us things that we may not see if we are so engulfed in a situation we cant make sense of. i think if a path exists that is in line with your future it is worth checkin out. i know my life is crazy and doesn't make alot of sense to some but is perfectly managable to me in ways that i see the path and know me and how i am willing to got thru more than some to get there. to endure more than some to walk the path. not all paths are clear of brush. sometimes you gotta chop your way thru to see the bigger picture.

[harmony68 (deleted)]

rblyl wrote: `I think i meant the importance of not taking an easier appearing road because we are afraid at what is happening. the first thing that jumps out and presents as an easy out is generally the single worst thing one can do. That is what got me in big trubble. ..I dont know most of the time the purpose of a given situation, or its purpose..a lot of times that will eluse me until the smoke has settled and a little time has gone by. So i just have to be very vigilant when things appear to have gone upside down.



thanks reb. taking the easy way no esta bien in the long run.

The song by Bone THugs and Harmony - I tried says it so well as i listen to it right now.

be well everyone. love you guys - you are my peeps!

[rblyl (deleted)]

`finally...

in my own case i dont want to make a move with a lot of expectations, and i am full of fear BECAUSE of my expectations. I dont think i will have peace about this until i am clear on that i am willing to accept what comes of this, even if it goes upside down for awhile, that i wont give into a state of giving up, or giving into depression like i did last time.
I am happy in that i told the woman who works in the kitchen where i work about my misgivings (cause i am dragging 4 kids into this with me) she said 'kids are resilient, and its most important that they just know they have thier mom (me) and they are loved'. I can do that.
no matter tho, my replacement was hired today, it is 8 weeks to train, then i am cut loose anyhow. My path is set.
good luck to all else on thiers!