Getting lost

[anewmoon]

There was this time when I was twenty three, when I was fighting so hard to find who I was. I had so many questions weighing me down and a mean fear of asking for help.

I have always felt the loving presense of some higher power in my life, but never enough confidence to give myself completely to Trust that Love.
Instead I would choose to find acceptance from others, never myself. Sometimes being accept'd meant hurting myself, but I just said, God understands I'll fix up later. But with repression, comes pain then shame, then we wrap it all up in denial and write do not open, ever...

So, feeling guided by the force of Nature, I pack'd a sack with some food, a change of clothes, paper, paints and pen, a handful of dried "sticky" mushroom, some smoke, a liter of beer and a map of Algonquin Park.
if you don't know the territory, i think it's bigger than some small countries.

Well, I had a mission. Me and God were going to spent three days nights solo in the park. At this stage in my life I had never been solo with God. Never travel'd, lived in the big city for a coupleyears but that only sour'd up my face. I was ready to go defy the odds and succeed, cozy up to God and get some answers, but I never knew God had a stalker that went everywhere God went.

[anewmoon]

God has the most lovable stalker in the world, you almost want to say, You are lucky to be so desired God, what a great follower you have.
I wish I was admired that much...hmmm.

So I hitch a ride up highway 60 and get to the depot right when it starts to rain. I rent my canoe, and it rains and rains. Finally I push off, and the wind is forcing me to the shoreline, so my camp destination is now an hour off schedule. I have three days to get about 60 km to my pick up point.

That night I camp'd on a sandy little point beside the pine tree that inhabitated my unofficial camp site. That is when I first met Gods stalker face to face.
I was tired and miserable. It's dark by the time I get my sleepsheet set up and all I want is a warm meal and drink, then sleep. So I lite a little fire in the sand, have some soup and tea, a quick smoke and I'm asleep.
It's early September, the nights should be cool and bug free, but its cold and drizzling rain. That's when the stalker decided to sleep with me. I could smell the fire before I could see it, I thought I must be the smoldering ashes. I was so tired. but, there it was, little pockets of fire popping up in three different spot that it didn't originate from.

The point was not meant for fires or trying to put out fire in the dark.
I never thought I would need a flashlight. The rain had stop'd, but the rocks and exposed roots on the way down to the waters edge where nice and wet. When I thought things were safe to sleep again, it took a short time before it spark'd up again. That's when I came to my senses... the roots of the pine tree were on fire. Great!
So the only thing you can do is completely expose the inflamed area by getting a shovel or flat rock if you didn't bring one, and dragging away the surface material.

Next morning, I say thanks to God for not burning the forest down, or atleast that lonely pine tree, and like a man on a mission I'm off.

It 's Autumn and everything is sunny and beautiful.

[rblyl (deleted)]

`the stalker in your sleeping bag??...you sure you and G-d weren't drinking a little much with the mushrooms that night?...(just joking)

[anewmoon]

It's late morning, I a feel good despite the night. There's no wind, it's all blue sky, and I'm on schedule again. After my second portage I find this perfect pond completely still, reflecting every colour'd leaf on every tree like mirror. So I get out some paper and the paints and make something that looks nothing like the scene before me. That's when Gods stalker, reminds about those mushrooms that will make perfect sense of that painting.
I forget the paints and share some thoughts and questions with God, then eat a couple mushroom caps and a granola bar. Zoom zoom and I'm off. Two more lakes, one more 30 minute portage and thenI should be where I want by six pm, at my official site eatting zucc's, beans, bread, cookies and some beer, writing my thoughts of the day.

Well...this is the point to my story.
One lake is shaped like a banana, it should take a couple hours to get to the portage, 30 minute portage then a couple more hours paddling. BUT...the sweet talking stalker says, look at the map wild eyes, if you take that little river you don't have to go all the way around the lake, you can start at one end of thebanana and come out the other end without riding the whole banana with these rubber arms.
hmmm, there it is, about as wide as the length of the canoe, the stream on the map. so off I paddle and about twenty minutes in I realise this is a creek not a stream, five minutes later, I'm starting to touch bottom. But God? I am closer to the end than I am going back to the beginning, right?

Five minutes more and I am out of water pushing myself threw mud. Out I get. The end has to be around the bend. But those little shrubs I was watching as I was gliding by are actually really painful to pull a canoe threw, for the next thirty minutes I dragg'd that canoe. My legs were and stinging, But I was determine not to turn around, not even for more water bottle I must have drop'd somewhere in the thickett.

I reach the lake, jump'd into the water like it was the first time ever, and for the rest of the trip Gods stalker was ask'd to sit quietly at Gods feet as all we both listen contently to the songs God play'd in the wind.

[rblyl (deleted)]

`"we both listen contently to the songs God play'd in the wind.".....some of the most beautiful of words I have seen in any book or poem to date.

although it is more than words.

(I really appreciate when people take the time to write here...whatever it is mostly. Some of it is thoughtful, some of it is just silly, funny..even stuff a person can just roll thier eyes at, but it is just great when others take the time to do this. Thank you)