I am throwing my hands up.

[rblyl (deleted)]

"wise old owl" Zoupi!

[johnmarlon (deleted)]

lilmissmorbid wrote:
one case when I worked at this one company the man didn't want to marry but was forced to go to India by his family (he didn't want to bring shame on the family) and take a wife.

To me that sounds like a living hell to be forced into something without choice


You gotta take into account the culture in reference to arranged marriages. You said the guy was forced to "go to India by his family". If he was in another country how was he forced? Is it illegal to turn down an arrangement down if you live in India? I don't think that every arranged marriage culture has shunned people for not agreeing with arrangements.

Quote: So my question is why can women show emotion and strength in a relationship but men have problems showing the emotion it doesnt make them any less of a man if they do but actually it shows strength?

I think because we are different species..lol

Well, I would say culture has it's foot in emotional expression. The difference in how we treat a little girl compared to a little boy contributes to their emotional expression. The reaction of people that children are exposed to throughout their childhood help to define a child's feminine and masculine traits. Mix this in with the idea of how we use our brains differently...

[lilmissmorbid]

heheheh I agree on the species....

With regards to the indian marriage in India your right you cannot force but it's more a matter of shame of standing within religion. Some people follow their religions strictly and to the tee handed down generation to generation that it almost becomes like a law..

Back to the other....well some men can express both emotion and strength but I was having a conversation into the small hours this morning with my friend I have mentioned before and he said that the conversation we were having at the time, he wouldn't dare say to his best friend who is male for fear...he was worried that it woul sound as thought he was "becoming sweet on him". I just found that sad that no matter who your friend it you should be able to share stuff but I suppose due to society and them both being men in the US army it's not the done thing.

[rblyl (deleted)]

`maybe they shouldn't show the movie 'Broke Back Mountain' in the military?

on that note, have you heard the expression "cowboy up!"..I think men have been taught it is a brave thing to suck up what it is that hurts them and hold it in. I see it done to little boys all the time. And as far as children go I have been guilty of having my daughter help with things that need done in the house while her brothers play outside..it isnt something I have consciously thought of in regard to what I am teaching them ..it is really more that I find her more capable and complaining less when asked, so the path of least resistance to get these things done I guess.

[johnmarlon (deleted)]

rblyl wrote:

And as far as children go I have been guilty of having my daughter help with things that need done in the house while her brothers play outside..it isnt something I have consciously thought of in regard to what I am teaching them ..it is really more that I find her more capable and complaining less when asked, so the path of least resistance to get these things done I guess.



Could her path of least resistance have been shaped since being a toddler/baby? Even the minor differences that build over time?

I think most all people treat a child differently in regards to their --- because it is built into us. Even if there are people who ignore sex, the child will still be exposed to strangers, friends, and family, who will treat them different.

[rblyl (deleted)]

`Alright, I admit it..I was the anit-christ of ------ equality with my children:) My daughter did not leave the hospital after being born without a bright pink velcro bow in her hair, and was rarely seen without some frilly thing on..she even wore pink diapers. And my oldest son was 9 and wanted badly to wear a dress that he admired of his sisters, and I told him adamantly that THAT is not "boy clothes", when he protested telling me that "well girls wear pants." I was vague and told him "thats just the way it is..thats the world we live in." when he wanted a doll, I bought him nintendo. She was taught how to bake, and he microwave pizza. Sooo I suppose I MAY have had something to do with it?? But the sad fact is I DO expect more from her...maybe I will give that more thought now though really, its just something that has been a "just is" I guess. (my "bad")

[lilmissmorbid]

I think I came into this world fighting hehe! My parent's swore blind before I was born that I was a boy due to the amount of kicking I did....boy didn't they get a shock when out popped a GIRL!! They were also expecting twins too...but only me popped out and no one else.

So I suppose I was never bought up to be girly....well I mean they hadn't even though of what to call and and were adamant that I was only going to be a boy so the name David John had been selected and nothing else. They even went by that idea of swinging a pendulem across my mothers rather huge tummy....but no...like I said out popped me! My bedroom was decorated BLUE.....they had bought nothing but BLUE BOYISH BABY CLOTHES!! Are you getting the drift here now...? So glad my uncle was able to think up a name quickly for me even though my names were taken from the musical west side story...lol

Just to make is clear i'm not gay not that has anything to do with it though some might consider I was confused. I was a tomboy and always favoured boys toys to girls ones as they were quite boring. I got dressed in pink for a while untill I could walk and after a quick dash to the shops by family....well you can't have a girl in blue clothes...hehe!

I hated anything girly...dresses....skirts you had to hold me down and force me into....I loved my action men dolls and ignored the sindy and barbie dolls. The odd thing is though since growing up i've become more girly though I will never still be seen dead in pink or frills and probably why I'm a lil more gothy.

I'm just glad my mother and family appreciated me for who I am and didnt force me into stereotypical roles and possible why I'm so against them now....also possibly why I'm still single because I'm not afraid to speak up and be independant...lol :twisted:

[rblyl (deleted)]

`playing up my daughters 'girlieness' has still not stopped her from chasing a boy across the yard with a large stick who was picking on her brother....frills and all!

but I have also been acutely aware of her self esteem, and wanting her to be proud of her strengths (there are many). Probably cause my own mother did what she could to tear mine down at every opportunity--especially in public. So my daughter is hell on wheels..(very willful)..and a large Spirit. A good person. ....My sons it is more difficult, I just try to love them, but I can't be a male role model to them-so the road is a little different and I am still learning.

lilmissmorbid, you say that "I'm just glad my mother and family appreciated me for who I am......." thats probably why you are the kind, strong woman you are now. I think it is one of the best things a parent can do for thier child, it to celebrate who they ARE.

[lilmissmorbid]

rblyl I hope you didn't think I was getting at you I was just pointing out in general that some people like my Uncle are worried of role changes. For instance when my cousin was young he wanted a baby doll and small pram. My uncle was scared stiff of him growing up gay which I think is very sad as you should love your child no matter what like you pointed out that you do with your children. My Aunty allowed him to have the said pram, doll...etc and lets just say it was just a phase. He's practically married and serving in the London Police Force.

I didn't have a father figure around for a number of years as my mother bought us up alone with the aid of her parents my grandparents, so it doesn't matter if your boy's do not have a male role model as I'm sure someone in your neighbourhood may be helping already and besides does it really matter if your love them as much as you do?

From what I have seen of you on this forum your a kind, strong, caring and compassionate (there are more words to describe you but it's 2.30am and my brain isn't working...hehe) lady. The fact you are there for your kids will mean more to them than anything or anyone....

Good on your daughter too for kicking arse!! Girl Power and all that!!

[rblyl (deleted)]

`hi Lilmissmorbid! I didnt in any way think you were directing at me at all (ha)..I figured you were just talking about your own experience and thats all any of us can do really. And I DO appreciate the life experience of others and hearing about them all.

I am sorry to say that I didn't let my son have a babydoll to nuture:(...but I really did have to draw the line at him wearing a basketball under his shirt dreaming of having a baby! lol!! gotta love 'em!

and love to you as well!!!!

[trubblemaka (deleted)]

`

[rblyl (deleted)]

`Ha!! ha!!...I'd be hard pressed to get offended at all by Lilmissmorbid...I like the way she handles and expresses herself.

But I did think you were offering to be the guest "reefer" at first. Must've had a dyslexic moment there..

[lilmissmorbid]

trubblemaka at this moment in time you will only be referee to yourself as
rblyl and I have a lot of respect for the other...hehe! Does your name really indicate a troublemaker or are you really a big soft teddybear underneath...?

[(deleted)]

`TRUBBLE IS A GREAT GUY!!! I LIKE HIS SPIRIT..

[zoupi]

huggeroftrees wrote: `TRUBBLE IS A GREAT GUY!!! I LIKE HIS SPIRIT..



He must really be to deserve for you to write that about a "Man"

My only certitude is that a man able to run after his dog during hours can't completely be bad

So HELLO TRUBBLEMAKA and welcome !
Apparently you love modern art... hope you like humour too 8)