GOVERNMENT IN TERMS OF COWS

[blackfootedgirl]

Quote: Note from Blackfootedgirl:I CUT AND PASTED THIS OFF CRAIGS LIST, no Author was given. I did not author this myself.


Quote:

Government in Terms of Cows
Reply to: [?]
Date: 2008-10-22, 7:03PM PDT


COWS AND GOVERNMENT

DEMOCRATS
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
You feel guilty for being successful.
Barbara Streisand sings for you.

REPUBLICANS
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
And your point is?

ANARCHISTS
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
And if he tries to take one of my cows, I'll blow him away.

LIBERTARIANS
You have two cows.
Your neighbor has none.
And that's his problem, not mine, and not the government's.

SOCIALISTS
You have two cows.
The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

COMMUNISTS
You have two cows.
The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
You wait in line for hours to get it.
It is expensive and sour.

AMERICAN STYLE DEMOCRACY
You have two cows.
The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from the American government.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
You have two cows.
The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, and pours the milk down the drain. And then they tax you on what they paid you for the milk.

COWS AND CORPORATIONS AROUND THE WORLD

AMERICAN-STYLE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on the 2nd one.
You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
You are surprised when one cow drops dead.
You spin an announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized and are reducing expenses.
Your stock goes up.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike because you want three cows.
You go to lunch and drink wine.
Life is good.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk of ordinary cows.
They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
Most are at the top of their class at cow school. Unsuccessful cows commit seppuku by throwing themselves under the unbelievably crowded trains.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred miles an hour.
Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per year.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
You break for lunch.
Life is good.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have some vodka.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You have some more vodka.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you really have.

A TALIBAN CORPORATION
You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's private parts.
Then you kill them and claim a US bomb blew them up while they were in the veterinary hospital.

AN AL-QAIDA CORPORATION
You have two cows.
They both go into hiding.
They send radio tapes of their moos to the media.

A POLISH CORPORATION
You have two bulls.
Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to milk them.

A FLORIDA CORPORATION
You have a black cow and a brown cow.
Everyone votes for the best looking one.
Some of the people who like the brown one best, vote for the black one.
Some people vote for both.
Some people vote for neither.
Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
Finally, a bunch of guys from out-of-state tell you which is the best-looking cow.

A NEW YORK CORPORATION
You have fifteen million cows.
You have to choose which one will be the leader of the herd, so you pick some fat cow from Arkansas.

A CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
You have millions of cows.
Most are illegal cows from other countries that are undocumented.
The ones who have calves in California get to stay even if they are undocumented, because their calf will grow up to be a California cow. Further, they can get the government to admit cows from their old herd to California because of their relationship to the calf that was born here.
The Gubenator likes the ones with big hooters!

See? Everything can be explained in terms of cows!

Blackfootedgirl

This post was edited because it included an email address for another person. Even though the email address was encrypted by Craigslist, we do not want to encourage contact to individuals outside our sites due to posts within the forums...so the email address was removed. (Posting personal contact information for yourself or other people within the forums is not permitted.) When posting content from another site, please post a URL to the entire page.

Heres the URL for the page:seattle-tacoma craigslist kitsap co rants & raves. FYI The URL on craigs list is at the very top of the page. blackfootedgirl