Do all Reservations have dark sides like my own?

[priestessashe]

In March of 2000, I lost my brother (he was 20 years old) to a couple of gunshot wounds in the chest. We were living on our Rez in North Carolina when it happened. He was in a Native Gang and in North Carolina, there is not one race who communes with the other in a civilized manner where I come from. Even the Latinos who move around our land in NC get subjugated by the Natives and you cannot tell the difference between their people and my people really until you listen to them talk! It's insanity, really.
The person only got 7 years in prison and was released last year. I am still dealing with it and to be quite honest, I have been picking up the pieces of a mother's (my mother's) broken heart after losing her only son (I have another sibling--my brother and I's older sister).
I was just wondering if there are others out there who grew up on reservations or have had experiences on them and if they know of how the infrastructure runs within them? I have only experienced my own and I need to know if all of them are full of death, corruption, racism, and darkness? Or does it just seem to be my own?
Not to say that my people do not have brighter sides. Many of my family members and friends have gone to college (and I, myself, am currently in college) and even those who haven't does not mean they are not smart. I know many people who have brains but don't see higher education as a necessary means to an end. It's all relative. Many of my family members, too, have created lives for their families without even finishing high school. None of that matters to me. What I really want to know is if this darkness can be helped and are there any personalized experiences that could help me cope a little better?
I moved away quite a few years ago but still have nightmares and am haunted by what I have experienced over the years there. My entire family still lives there, but I would like not to name it in order to keep my brothers secrets safe--spiritually. If you would like to know the name of it, personally, just send me an email.
To whomever read all of this: you are a saint!

Many blessings to my kindred kith,
Ashe

[rebelyell08_PREV (deleted)]

`I am sorry to hear that about your brother, Priestessashe.

Not on a Rez, but an ex of mine was beat to death June 5, 2007 in Portland. I think because he lived on the "fringe" of society the 2 who did it only got 4 years (with time served for their jail time during the trial). It makes me sick. He was, yeah troubled I suppose, but the sweetest, most LOYAL guy I ever have met. His life wasn't worth anything to the courts though.

I can only imagine how you feel.

[priestessashe]

`I am sorry to hear about your ex, in turn. I hope that you are dealing with it well enough. I know how hard it is to lose someone you love, no matter what part of your life they represent.
Thank you so much for your empathy. I get by most days, but sometimes it's really hard I am sorry to say.

Blessings on your home,
Ashe

[rebelyell08_PREV (deleted)]

`Blessing on your home, and family as well Ashe.

I am dealing with it..o.k. by brushing away the thought when his face comes to mind. He was an "ex" but we were such close, long time friends. I "got" him..we grew up real similar. So there was a unique bond, just lived differently as we were getting older. But I suppose why the thought is difficult is the profound regret. I left the Pacific Northwest June 1, 2007..to come out here and get grounded...when I passed by Portland on my way out I had a THOUGHT to stop and see if he wanted to come along..for a change of pace. But I was 3 hours late leaving than my target time, so I figured I would call when I got settled......so I try not to wonder what if I just would have stopped, or not have been leaving late. blah..blah..blah

I really hope that time can help your grief. I am sure there will always be that empty space in your heart for your brother. You do carry him with you and I hope that you are able to hold onto when thinking of him. There does always seem to be things left unsaid though...especially when the death was so untimely. My heart goes out to you.

Love to you!

[xxnativeeyezxx (deleted)]

priestessashe wrote: In March of 2000, I lost my brother (he was 20 years old) to a couple of gunshot wounds in the chest. We were living on our Rez in North Carolina when it happened. He was in a Native Gang and in North Carolina, there is not one race who communes with the other in a civilized manner where I come from. Even the Latinos who move around our land in NC get subjugated by the Natives and you cannot tell the difference between their people and my people really until you listen to them talk! It's insanity, really.
The person only got 7 years in prison and was released last year. I am still dealing with it and to be quite honest, I have been picking up the pieces of a mother's (my mother's) broken heart after losing her only son (I have another sibling--my brother and I's older sister).
I was just wondering if there are others out there who grew up on reservations or have had experiences on them and if they know of how the infrastructure runs within them? I have only experienced my own and I need to know if all of them are full of death, corruption, racism, and darkness? Or does it just seem to be my own?
Not to say that my people do not have brighter sides. Many of my family members and friends have gone to college (and I, myself, am currently in college) and even those who haven't does not mean they are not smart. I know many people who have brains but don't see higher education as a necessary means to an end. It's all relative. Many of my family members, too, have created lives for their families without even finishing high school. None of that matters to me. What I really want to know is if this darkness can be helped and are there any personalized experiences that could help me cope a little better?
I moved away quite a few years ago but still have nightmares and am haunted by what I have experienced over the years there. My entire family still lives there, but I would like not to name it in order to keep my brothers secrets safe--spiritually. If you would like to know the name of it, personally, just send me an email.
To whomever read all of this: you are a saint!

Many blessings to my kindred kith,
Ashe



I'm sorry to hear that.javascript:emoticon('') I myself never lived on the Rez but I go there quite often and my brother is a Cop on our Tribes Rez and things he has seen and experienced makes my eyes water and my heart ache,but that coward who killed your bro will get his,(KARMA.) Just keep your head up and be strong for yourself and your mom. I have to be strong for my mom too cause she lost her Husband (MY DAD) of 41 years 6 months ago so suddenly. We are talking it hard. But once again I'm sorry for your loss sweetie.

[priestessashe]

`Thank you. Everyone's input so far has been very helpful. I send you and your mother my condolences about your father. Strength is such a broad term, I think. It is easy to be strong, sometimes but it definitely depends on the situation. It took me a long, long time not to think of my brother of every hour of every second and wonder what it was we could be doing and what part of my life he was currently missing that I could have possibly shared with him.
Nowadays, I still think of him often, but only when times are good so that I might also just be able to remember all the good times and continually remind myself that I believe him to be in a better place now.
I am sure your father is in a better place as well.

Blessings on your home mademoiselle,
Ashe

[merinass (deleted)]

`I am so sorry to all of you. I of course have never lived on a rez, but I have lived in both large and small as well as midsized communities. I have lived all over the south eats USA, and one thing I can tell you is this. What all of you have experienced isn't isolated to your rez...it is everywhere and it permeates everything.
The next sleepy, pretty town you see..remember it has an underbelly..and people experience what you do. These things are horrible and such a waste of life.

One thing life has taught me is this; no matter who you are someone is going to hate on you. You're too tall, or too thin..or not the 'right race" or too poor or too rich..the list of reason or better still excuses is endless.
It is fear I think..plain and simple and perhaps a sense of entitlement..the attitude of 'this was done to me so I have the right to strike back' sort of thing.
I pray for all of your healing and again..I am very sorry.

[priestessashe]

`I concur. I now live in Northern California and to be quite honest with you, my expectations concerning racism were very nil to zip. I expected way too much of a certain mentality of people, but really, its only a small group and there are a lot of people who mistake me for what I am not (which is totally fine--made a comment before that I do not mind being mistaken for Mexican, Hawaiian, Asian, etc) and so I get exposed to a lot of racism/ignorance.
Though it is definitely not as plentiful. I enjoy it thoroughly out here. I am low key and no one really worries about my ethnicity or where I came from too much and that's really cool.
I feel as if I am seen as exotic, which is not necessarily a good thing to me. I always just want to look like everyone else. And how can you be exotic when you come from this frickin' continent? haha...
I suppose it does not matter. There have been times when there was absolutely nothing I could do or anyone else could do, but people just decide they want to dislike you for no reason and usually it is just because of personality incompatibilities, methinks.
Anyway, my rant is all over the place. Thank you for your insight, lady.

Blessings on your home,
Ashe

[merinass (deleted)]

`That is a good question..how can you be from here and look 'exotic'...maybe they are thinking Hawaii? I think you're very pretty personally. Not sure why you would want to look like everyone else..you look fine just the way you are.

[rebelyell08_PREV (deleted)]

`You are very pretty and a lovely personality Ashe, and if people dont like you it's probably just because their jealous. Take it as a compliment...and walk on.

[priestessashe]

`Hehe, I have never thought of it as jealously, just more of lack-of-tolerance for differences. Well, even in California sometimes, people do not expect me to speak English (which is my first language--also speak French relatively fluently but I understand more than I speak). I think it is perhaps because I blend into the Latino populous here and it is easy to just write me off as thus. There is a lot of racism towards Latinos because of the border issues in America. I do not think there is anything wrong with people wanting to make better lives for themselves here in the country that was always supposed to be a safe haven for people from war-torn or just generally annihilated countries.
I have had a lot of times where I am standing in line somewhere and I hear people behind me say something ridiculous like, "These foreigners just infiltrating my country--taking my jobs. idiots" etc and most of the time I will ignore it and raise my chin with pride, but other times I will let the person know, politely, who I am and where I come from. Then, I will also politely suggest that they do not knock people who are not from this country for they must be reminded that this land was stolen in the first place and so it is a bit hypocritical to think in those terms.
Wow, my rants have been pretty epic recently. I will not blame you if you decide not to read this.
Thank you for the compliment Rebel; that was quite unexpected. I am so glad I found this site, it has definitely given me a lot of insights on life just in general from many people who are way more experienced on life than myself.
You guys rock!

Ashe

[merinass (deleted)]

`I enjoy reading it and you're right. This is all over the place. I live in Arkansas of all places. It's a beautiful state really..but you should here some things said about Obama..and why. I agree with your statement about the land being stolen..any logical person can even get a general over view of what happened and draw the conclusion that this land was stolen, and keeps being stolen every day.
I was telling my friend the other day how rediculous the idea of owning land is. First off, good luck getting a loan now. If you do you get to pay for a long time, and then when you pay the loan off you get to buy the right to pay taxes on that land until either (A) you die and pass it on..then your family gets the honor of paying taxes Or (B) the government or large company decided they need that land and relocate you.
Renting is fine with me.

[priestessashe]

merinass wrote: `I enjoy reading it and you're right. This is all over the place. I live in Arkansas of all places. It's a beautiful state really..but you should here some things said about Obama..and why. I agree with your statement about the land being stolen..any logical person can even get a general over view of what happened and draw the conclusion that this land was stolen, and keeps being stolen every day.
I was telling my friend the other day how rediculous the idea of owning land is. First off, good luck getting a loan now. If you do you get to pay for a long time, and then when you pay the loan off you get to buy the right to pay taxes on that land until either (A) you die and pass it on..then your family gets the honor of paying taxes Or (B) the government or large company decided they need that land and relocate you.
Renting is fine with me.



Arkansas, I can totally imagine the things they say about him. I'm from North Carolina which (to my utter SHOCK, seriously) took Obama. It was so beautiful.
And yes, no one but the government has leeway to do what they want to do with this ruined land. There is nothing on this earth I would want to have anyway after what has been done to it over the past 400-500 years. Most of the horrible things have been done in the past 100 years, though. Mountain top removals, mass tree annihilation (that the general public has no idea about--the government and corporations take and cut down ancient trees illegally!!!), and they build whatever they want wherever they want whenever they want with no heed to whether or not there are people living on it or even how LONG they've been living on it. I mean, people could be living on the same land for many many, MANY generations of their family and the Corps/Gov't can just come right on in and claim it without question.
Quite sickening, really.

P.S. I hope we are allowed to talk about this stuff, I have noticed people slowly disappearing off the forum sites (deleted accounts). It seems there are some touchy subjects here? I imagine politics is one of them...and morality. lol...

[merinass (deleted)]

`Yeah those two are taboo no matter where you go. Not sure whats up with account deletions. I agree again with what you are saying and it is true. However, we are all still here and so long as we are believe it or not there is hope. I do see a trend and have become aware of it more and more. That trend is that people are massively demanding the planet be taken care of. Too that the creatures be taken care of. Wastefulness is falling out of favor and peopel are not taking crap anymore. I think recent events have had a far more profound effect then what we could imagine.

[rebelyell08_PREV (deleted)]

`Regarding account deletions. I don't think the site is watching to look for people to delete and what we say is more tolerated by the webmaster than the site members usually. I believe things happen in ones life that make it difficult to be here sometimes....OR maybe they met the love of their life!ha!
Just my observation though for what it's worth.

(George Carlin once said that this planet one day will shake us off like a bad case of fleas though.)