for REAL?

[rebelyell08_PREV (deleted)]

Just curious about other peoples thoughts on this whole internet dating thing since, I guess, it seems to be here to stay.
Is this for real?
I mean I have seen whole "relationships" here play out in a sense, and the people have never met in the flesh! I was curious..when it's over do you count it as one of your relationships along with those people you were involved with in the "real world"? Or is this a different category altogether?
How real can the feelings get when you are never in the physical presence of another and get to know them as in their habits, how they relate to those around them, what they feel like, how they smell or whatever. Or is this as real as a romance (or horror, in some cases) novel?
Is it a "Spiritual thing", or just a head trip?
It's got to get better than this..maybe we can be a Hologram? I don't know!
Just curious on your thoughts on this people..no matter what the thoughts are!

**My own thoughts are not clear on this myself. I mean I have been involved in everything from "an affair to remember" to "a nightmare on elm street" and I still dont know how to answer people when they ask when my last relationship was! I'm, like, "well...uhhh..." cyberspace or 3-D?

[(deleted)]

`I believe for the most part it a no where situation. I mean really how the hell do you fall in love with a person in one week? And that's about how fast these romances go.. Now think about it if you can't find a honest person that you want in the real world what makes you think he out here in space floating around waiting for you and like a dam gnat dives in to buzz around your head and fill it with cyber words of bullsh*t ? How can you believe every little word that they write, and how many others are they saying the same thing too?
I already had my nightmare on Elm street from the internet, and one was enough for me..
How about these guys that right away want your email address and then second email they are in love. PLEASE GIVE ME A BREAK!!!
I don't know rebel, but if you haven't met him in the real world I guess he hasn't come along yet!! I believe if you are meant to be with someone, he'll show up.
I would rather be alone then spend another 8 yrs trying to rid myself of a raving lunatic. DON'T WANT NO CYBERPUNK WANNABE HEARTBREAKER !!!

[rebelyell08_PREV (deleted)]

`Okay, honestly, some of it IS like reading a romance novel and it's easy to get hooked. Also, some are very good at creating a very good at seeming pretty 'normal' persona..now in retrospect there were big clues. But I have glossed over things in the real world too (to my horror later).
You are very right about the instant love and wanting too much info. too soon. I have got emails in the past giving me their IM address and asking me to write them there that night..and I had never even emailed them! Also 2 phone numbers just the same way. I could have been anybody..they don't know! Also, thinking they know me ("love" a couple of times) by the forum posts..but thats not accurate either because I have been known to post something I dont even believe myself just to play another side of the topic.So....
But is all this real? I can give any description I want. How is anyone to know?
And if this is the future of dating..I don't know. And yes, you can meet someone off line (especially if you're in an area where the people are not over 90 years old, or at least have their original set of teeth) but a lot of those people are at home now..on the internet.
The way technology is going I feel soon there will be no need or desire by people to have real contact. Why? when you can sit at home and be anything you want without the responsibility toward the one you claim to "love"...ha!

Thats my rant for the day.gawd!

**although I have met some great people here, having had also contact with "chester the er" and Freddy krueger..that was enough for me.
So I do keep a closed profile so-to-speak, and am very happy with that.

[bootycall4u_PREV (deleted)]

`Seems to me even after you stat no scrubs, insane crazed lunatics, ex cons, criminal minded, woman haters ,drunks and PLEASE!!! have a friggin job , you get all that you don't want. Now I am not going to support no man.. But I guess they don't read your profile.. and just because my name is boot-tay does not mean I want your lazy butt hanging around my crib.....
Need to go play your game somewhere else cuz I aint playing..And then get offended cuz I won't give up my private email!!! Give me a f#cking break!!

[(deleted)]

`What is heartbreak
Heartbreak is a very strange distress. It is painful, and yet your body is not injured at all. It is an emotional pain but it is not a single emotion. We hate the feeling of heartbreak, and yet we feel compelled to go over and over memories, ideas or fantasies that make the feeling worse. What is going on? When a relationship ends against your will a whole range of different responses are triggered. You feel loss, and pain and a host of other feelings. Your normal ways of thinking and feeling about the world are totally disrupted. Because your normal equilibrium is upset, your feelings can be very volatile, changing from one minute to the next. One moment you could be pining for your ex, and two minutes later overwhelmed with anger at them. One moment you are desperate to see them, the next you cant bear to have anyone mention their name. This volatility and confusion just add to the misery. This whole process of grief can be divided into four stages. The first, denial, is where we try to reject what has happened. In the second we accept it, but still feel angry about it. In the third stage we acknowledge our sadness and when we reach the fourth we have accepted our loss and sadness and are able to look back and enjoy the happy memories we have of the person we have lost. The trouble with heartbreak however is that the natural process of grief does not always seem to work properly. People often seem to get stuck in repeating the same painful feelings over and over again.

Paul McKenna

[rebelyell08_PREV (deleted)]

`Thats an excellent post Huggeroftrees...but what I wanna know is, Booty...whats a "scrub"?

[bootycall4u_PREV (deleted)]

rebelyell08 wrote: `Thats an excellent post Huggeroftrees...but what I wanna know is, Booty...whats a "scrub"?

IT'S A WORTHLESS MAN!!

men who have nothing going for them, but hit on women just the same.

[rebelyell08_PREV (deleted)]

`Thanks for translating that into "white girl" for me!ha!

[merinass (deleted)]

`wow..and I haven't read this one yet..pity really. I have several blogging sites. I don't blog on this one much, most fols don't seem to be interested. But I get those emails and messages from guys that have nothing going for them at all. I do think that it is easy to get caught up in what your ideal mate is, and then set about on a single minded mission to find that. I had a roommate that did that a lot. You could never reason with her, tell her that after all, it is the internet and people can project any image they want. It isn't real unless and until you can actually get face to face with them.
I get the IM and email information too. I get those who I don't know asking me to 'hit them up' ( upper left hook to the chin maybe?) on my private Im.
I just like hanging out, reading what people write and then seeing what comes of what I write.
We are all human..with every single little detail that implies for both good and ill.

[rebelyell08_PREV (deleted)]

`When writing about your blogs, were you going to write "fools" or "folks"?ha

I get your roommate thing. I also had a friend no one could tell any different too either. It took a very bad experience with the wrong person to change all that unfortunately. Whether these on-line relationships are real, not too sure, but the fall out when one of these go bad is very real. Proceed with caution because there are wolves among us. About meeting these people, I suppose if someone is bent on having a relationship with someone it will happen. Be very careful, meet only in a public place and dont leave with them anywhere. Leave separately. No one should object in the age we live in to a background check, or any attempt made to keep yourself safe. IF they "really care" they would be happy that you are watching out for yourself.

I like reading here too.

**and I know a lot will skim over this and think "yeah well too bad for them but not the guy I am writing to", I AM TALKING ABOUT THE GUY YOU'RE WRITING TO! I repeat if they care and you think he's your soul mate or whatever he will be happy you are doing what you have to to keep yourself safe. If he gets offended RUUUUNNNN.please!

[cello_PREV (deleted)]

Cynics may call me nieve, women who think they're the only ones who've been badly done by may get peeved with me ... whatever.
As far as I'm concerned peoples' true character (men and women) can't be hidden for too long, in the flesh or out of sight/on site.
I personally have had more dodgy proposals in the flesh of so called "real life". than I have on this site. Maybe it's what I'm putting out or not putting out .. don't know, but I don't consider the males I have communicated with on this site (not that I've been on any other site to compare) any less decent or respectful than the women I have met here. (and of course you can always say no to those you don't feel comfortable with).
Obviously if one was to form a relationship that was leading to more than just platonic, after the initial introduction of getting to know some about each other (on line) of course the nerve wracking next step of meeting in the flesh, and the risks it involves is the inevitable next step..
BUT am I the only one that has ever met someone out, just ONCE .. been asked on a date for the following day or night??? Sure you might get to smell them, check em out sooner, but what's the friggin difference? They've still only told you what they wanted to tell you, only difference is you've checked out the physical side sooner. How many people in 'real life' do security checks before going out to dinner with someone?? Take a look at the statistics of divorces, cheating partners and frauds ... now go ask those people who feel like victims if they met the dud date on line, or in 'real life' and you'll see the facts for yourself, that there are no guarantees apart from using your own judgment/intuition and whatever else you use in making life's everyday decisions.
This is just my view, and maybe I'm just lucky .. but each to their own.

[rebelyell08_PREV (deleted)]

`Personally I have never been on a date with anyone who has just walked up to me and asked. In all my life I have only dated people in the real world who have been in the periphery of my circle of friends that I have. And of the ones I have dated that way I usually ended up marrying. The exception was a guy on my street and he quickly ended up being a wingnut. So my warning still stands, cynical or not. Yes, very nice people here...those are not the ones I am worried about as they would have no problem with one wanting some idea of who they really are. Nor would they have a problem with someone being careful about thier personal information, they would certainly not make a demand for it on the condition of getting "to know" them (tyring to get you off the site before you are comfortable, ANYTHING beyond your comfort zone) The others show themselves soon enough, but can cause damage if someone isnt very careful with their personal info. Thats all I am saying. And I stand by it.100%.

**what does it matter. people are going to do what they are going to do anyway. Good Luck you all.

***Cello, ya know I love ya! No one would dare hurt you, and distance is no problem for me for I know how to use candles! HA!!!....(this is a joke)

[(deleted)]

`Rebelyell is right and you need to heed her words..
But youre a grown woman. If you want to play Russian Roulette with your life you have the right to do that.
How many of these people would you even communicate with if you met them in the real world?
Internet is not real, people can say and do what ever they want and post fake photo's, at least who you see in the real world is not a phony picture.
But at least take a good look at what you are doing, for believe me Prince Charming is not going to ride in on a white horse and whisk you away to never never land.In fact Prince Charming can turn out to be your worse nightmare.

There are so many horror stories of women meeting their demise after hooking up with whom they thought was their prince Charming.Lot of people are so lonely they fall for any kind word and are waiting for that love thang!!

As far as using your own judgment, by the time you find out who this on line person really is you are so caught up in it, that you think you can change that person..
But like I said you want to play Russian Roulette with your life go right ahead
I would rather be lonely and alone then stuck in a no where relationship..

Check out romance scam to see how many people are being scammed male and female...

[rebelyell08_PREV (deleted)]

`And if your insides feel uneasy about a request, or something said, that is not butterflies from being in love. That is your godgiven instinct, your very spirit, telling you to get out of there. Pay attention to it, it will never lie to you but people will.

[priestessashe]

`*cracks knuckles*

These are all good questions rebel and I have a little personal experience to relay to you...

When I was a small bobbin, I experienced a lot of woes from my mother concerning my older sister doing this, getting into trouble, dropping out of school, etc, etc and so since my mother knew I could have had the same fate, she took a strong-hold grip on me and my life. I was never (not until I was 18 years old) able to go out of my house, my mom and step-dad would drive me to AS WELL AS pick me up from school every single day until I graduated high school and went on to college. She had alarm sensors all over the house (every window, door, crack and nook). Lights out and alarms on every night at midnight. Very strict!
Needless to say, I used the internet as my tool for learning about the real world. I ended up meeting this guy when I was 13 in a marvel chat room (haha--he was 15) and we just...talked online. It wasn't anything 'sexual' or forced, but it was very childish and we talked of movies, books, comics, etc. And we considered ourselves in an online 'relationship' for about 2 years, then I went to high school and we lost touch online. I was smart enough never to give out my info until I was sure and my mother even knew of this (because she put spyware on my comp, lol). very innocent. He graduated from Columbia University a few years ago. Very talented person.
My second online relationship came during my hardest year of high school--my junior year. I met this man on a goth personals (ha) site around my 17th birthday. We were penpals for about a year and a half (on AIM) until I moved away to go to college and we actually met in person and still know one another. He is about 7 years older than me, but our relationship did not get intimate ever, though I did like him, I think he respected the fact that I was not 18 when we met even though he did like me still when I was 19 and 20, it seemed to him to be wrong still to pursue to as if he were waiting for me to turn a certain age. Funny enough, I was the one who responded to his ad on the personals site, hahaha.
We still talk and I actually live really close to him now. We have known one another for about 7 years and it has been a most rocky, but lovely relationship, even if it wasn't a romantic one, it was really nice to make such a close friendship like that.
Anyhoo, I definitely think online relationships are worth it. I mean, as young as I was during that first one I might not consider that a relationship but perhaps a penpal. As far as my second online relationship, well, I would consider that a very big part of my life; and my friend feels the same way about meeting me. It's all what you make of it. I do not think anyone should be ashamed about meeting on the internet.
My mother met my stepdad on AOL when I was ~10 and they have been together ever since and love one another very much. I have had really good luck with them, but I also know how to play by the rules and not give out any information that I think would be a liability in the beginning until you think you are TOTALLY and COMPLETELY sure and even then, meeting people in an extremely public place is best .
I would not let an online relationship get too, too serious until you meet the person IN PERSON a few times to get a feel for how their personality is first-hand. I think I am rambling again; I hope my personal experiences were helpful, doll.

-Ashe