I don't know where i'm going but i know where i have been.

[johnnymuerto]

My name is Manny but my professional name is Johnny M. or Johnny Muerto. It's been a while i've stepped up to any forum and readily admitted this to anyone. I haven't been really spiritual lately as with all the bad luck and tragedies i've had in life. Lately, something or someone has been calling to me to come back home. now, i'm not s superstitious man or into boo-witch craft but i DO know when my heart leads, i must follow. See, back about 17 years ago i fell head over heels for a girl who was half mexican and half native. she always told me, whenever i was kicked out of my house or locked out, that her arms would always be home to me. Well, she passed awa and took my unborn 6 month old son with her only after two surreal years with her. See, i am not native. well, maybe aztecs (gramps told me from the jaguar clan) but i have alwas had a love for the native culture. as the years went on, ggoing to the pow wows, i began to notice something that was unsettling to me. native women became "americanized". identity was become lost on them as well as their proud roots. they became money grubbing, jealous, and petty at these shows making their men buy hundreds of dollars of stuff. dont get me wrong, if i had a girl, i would spoil her to but it was the way it was done that didnt sit well with me. These girls i have met have very little in common with my deseased fiancee. she had a pure spirit if you know what i'm trying to say. i miss that. i miss being honest, loving, loyal, and unwaivering with my heart. its just, in this day in age, who is out there that can really be trusted? i have searched, literally years, for that kind of love again but with no avail. i'd like to think my girl, my queen, my goddess is still out there somewhere. the gods can not be this cruel to someone so pure of heart. i'm back on the road to find her. this time leaving no stone unturned and once again, find my way home.[/i]

Johnny Muerto