Boarding School Marching

[riverotter]

Left, right
left, right

with each step
I become a stranger to my self

Left, right
left, right

Life becomes endless lines
to a future I can not see

Left, right
left, right

I dance a new dance
delicately balanced on one foot

[(deleted)]

`The dance of life!!!

[hagalaz (deleted)]

`if this is indeed related to a boarding school facility, i can relate completely

[chumani67_PREV (deleted)]

`the comment on this writing was "the dance of life..", I wish that wasn't true but I suppose it is though. The writing is sad because it's like taking the spirit, essence of the person and creating something mechanical. I was thinking about this (and bear with me because it's late and I've been working so I get melancholy about now) but I think I remember "dancing" with life when I was a child..I remember a lot of sunny days..and content to be in the back yard for hours very content to just be running, checking out bugs and animals, flowers..very happy exploring just the back yard, ya know? Now I work a lot, pay bills, get irritable when the phone rings, always something has to be fixed, and on the computer. I would like to get back to myself. But how does one do this with the grind of just daily living? If someone has any ideas I'd sure like to know. I am starting to sound like a Paula Cole song so I'll end here.

[dove8_PREV (deleted)]

`Make a block of time for yourself and get right back out to the backyard. Step away from it all. Sip a cup of coffee or tea from your fave mug and just go out there and sit. I do make some time for that everyday. Even in winter when it is cold because a lot of the times you see the cardinals flying. I don't think we are ever too old to be a child again. Enjoy!

[chumani67_PREV (deleted)]

`Dove, thank you for the suggestion! Kind of you to take the time to do it..and you know-this summer I tried to do just THAT..it lasted about 15 minutes then I was swatting at mosqutoes and flies and chasing these cats (that do not belong to me) out of the yard with a squirt gun because they keep chasing away the birds..tapping my foot because I was thinking about things I needed to do that week..then I gave up! The trick for me is probably to quiet my mind (I am terrible with meditation)..probably making some changes to be able to do that..getting personal..but I dont care..I do have a burn-out factor with my job and I went beyond that, but my life and associations are centered all around that job at this point. Courage to make some changes in life so that I can quiet myself .. but I've been thinking about it for a year and done nothing about it. I am sure Spirituality will play a part but I am spent after a shift..and could care less by then. Blocks whatever girl was there!!!..The one thing I do, this site has helped with, is I love to read the words people write about beauty...or their own personal struggles with things in their life. It's like a breath of air. Published authors do nothing for me in this regard. It's just getting from here to there, ya know?

[(deleted)]

Dear noisy mind, Chumanigirl
Will you just be QUIET! I can hardly hear myself think! (sshh laugh soflty!)

I'm lucky, like Dovegirl, I love hangin out in my back yard, lying on my hammock, or the grass, gazing at the sky, birds, watching the play of the wind in the trees ...having my beloved animal companions close by ... reading, dozing zzz .. mmm bliss

How about when you were a kid, did you have a favourite secret cubby-hole, your own private space, a cozy corner inside? Well it's never too late to find or make a new one.
Somewhere you can be alone with your own good company, favourite soul-soothing/inspiring music in the background...

Don't worry about trying to meditate formally. Try instead just directing your thoughts toward anything you can think of that makes you FEEL good, rather than trying to shut out all the nagging thoughts, complaints .. all the things you don't want, that don't make you feel good.
Try giving more attention to anything/everything you appreciate in your life, make a list, cut out or draw, doodle, colour in the most beautiful things you can think of happening in your life, just dayDREAM away . . . . .

Ever thought your noisy mind might be trying to tell you something?
Don't go believing that you can't get a job that is more to your liking... who made that rule up YOU!
Wow life's too short to be centred around a job that you don't even seem to like. You have COURAGE enough, to START going in the direction of finding something that is more to your liking, sure you do!

NURTURE yourself in whatever ways you can ... I've heard that most mothers don't 'mother' themselves enough, so try treating yourself like you would treat a beloved child ... the little girl that used to enjoy life's simple pleasures in the back yard so long ago ... bring her back and look after her well, you owe her that much.
Love Cellogirl

[(deleted)]

`DON'T WORRY,
DON'T HURRY,
DO YOUR BEST,
AND FORGET THE REST!!!
JUST LIVE LIFE ON LIFE'S TERMS!!!

[chumani67_PREV (deleted)]

`Thank you for your suggestions all..I 'll talk to you soon! This poem, however, which started all of this gives something to think about in anothers life experiences. I have never been traumatized or have scars from a childhood such as this exactly. Ours was torn up by alcoholism and the like, as were a lot of peoples though. But I was never dehumanized in such a way as some. My mid-life what-ever-it-is will be one more thing that will be put away at some time, with the support of friends of course! This above writing had just got me thinking of how robotic and uninspired life had gotten in stark contrast from when I was just a girl.

[chumani67_PREV (deleted)]

`Some peoples lives read beautifully..whether I was reading the notes backward or forward............

[(deleted)]

`cami life can be hard and I just try to laugh through this one..It sure beats crying!!!